Episode Report Card Demian: C | 1 USERS: A+ YOU GRADE IT Welcome To Fantathy Thithtern!
By Demian | Season 6 | Episode 6 | Aired on 10.25.2003
Manor kitchen. Piper slides a tray of cookies out of the oven as the Dolt orbs unannounced into the room behind her. "Oh, look!" she too-brightly sings to her tiny gay son in his highchair. "Daddy's here!" Heh. She was actually expecting him that afternoon to take Tiny Gay Chris off her hands, but you can tell she's hella pissed he didn't ring the doorbell like any other ex-husband with joint custody would have done. The Dolt offers some apologetic eyebrows before revealing that he has something important to discuss with the ex-wife regarding the Manor's new Whitelighter. Before he elaborates on the details, however, Tiny Chris sneezes. The Dolt immediately crosses to apply the healing tingly touch to his son's schnozz. Piper objects, rightly claiming that small children need to develop natural immunities to various bugs and whatnot, but she takes it too far by bitching once more about her desire for a normal life, like, it's been five and a half years, people! How many times can you trot out this fucking plot pony for her? The tired old nag's been working bone bane, colic, the strangles, glanders, and alopecia for at least four seasons, so would you take the fucker out back and shoot it already? If not for its sake, then for ours? Please? Christ!
ANY-way, there's chatter about how Piper would of course summon the Dolt if Tiny Gay Chris were seriously ill; then the Dolt addresses the Big Chris situation by holding up one of the Valkyrie pendants for Piper to examine. "Do you know where he got this?" the Dolt asks rhetorically, referring to the purloined pendant. "He killed for it. [Big Gay] Chris isn't who he says he is, Piper. He banished me to [The Isle Of Dykes], and this proves it!" Piper rolls her eyes and grouses, "Nothing will ever change with you -- you will always find a way to make your job more important than your family." "Taking care of my family is my job," the Dolt asserts, "and right now, I need to find out what [Big Gay] Chris is up to." Piper looks like she's about ready to brain him with a frying pan.
The Lair Of The Limey. The boyth thlam-danth with the ekthpothithion, and there's no way in hell I'm going to keep that shit up for an entire recap, so we'll restrict it to Thimon himself and perhaps his favorite word. Thimon, you see, is the type of demon who feeds on human dethire. I'm sure we've seen others of his ilk on this show before, but I can't be bothered to look them up. Big Gay Chris craftily offers Thimon the Charmed Ones, claiming he traveled from the future to make use of their collective power. However, as their more earthly dethirezth are now driving them apart, he has no further use for them. Desmond Askew gets a hammy monologue about the power of human dethire before quizzing Big Chris on his motives. Big Chris evades the questions by offering Thimon a slip of paper that purportedly contains the Glamorous Ladies' most deeply-held hopes for themselves. Keep that in mind when we arrive at the assery that is Phoebe's plotline later in the episode. Thimon, tossing caution to the wind as heedlessly as every other damn demonic force on this stupid show has ever done in the past, snatches up the paper and scuttles over to an open water-filled stone cistern at the center of his cave. "They'll die, you know," he states, unfolding the paper with what could best be described as glee. "Victims of their own dethirezth." "I'm counting on it," Big Chris notes, surreptitiously pocketing the bloody rag Thimon had been using on his shoulder. Big Chris orbs out with, "Good luck. And for the sake of both our lives, don't screw this up."