Episode Report Card Demian: C | 1 USERS: A+ YOU GRADE IT Welcome To Fantathy Thithtern!
By Demian | Season 6 | Episode 6 | Aired on 10.25.2003
Over at the nursing home, Raige and poor Kathryn Joosten assist the elderly magician as he attempts to pull a rabbit out of a hat. "Where's the rabbit?" he asks. "It died last year, dear," poor Kathryn Joosten replies. The fuck? Was that supposed to be funny? No, I'm serious: Was that supposed to be funny? Amusing? Comical? Witty? Droll? Well? I'm waiting. Okay, then. Fuck you sideways, because I've got a Glimmering Wave Of Madcap Demonic Mojo to recap as it shimmies through the room, and I don't have time to wait for your response. Bastards. As the wave hits Raige, she staggers backwards a bit as if dazed by its passing. Once it's disappeared, the elderly magician collapses to the carpet, clutching at his chest. Raige, Kathryn Joosten, and a nurse who once gave the injured Colethazor a lift hover over him with levels of concern that vary from great (Kathryn) to mild (Raige) to nil (Nurse Wretched). "It's his heart!" Kathryn shouts. "Charley, can you hear me?" Raige bellows for someone to call an ambulance, but Kathryn wails, "We don't have time for an ambulance -- just use your magic and orb him to the hospital!" Nurse Wretched agrees. "You know?" Raige stammers. "That you're a witch?" Nurse Wretched asks. "Everybody knows," she shrugs, taking in the room with her eyes. The tangle of surly geriatrics who'd been enduring the failed magic show vigorously nod their heads. "We're running out of time," Kathryn pleads. "All right," Raige caves. "Just keep it a secret, okay?" Raige dissolves into a cloud of orbs with Charley and shoots up towards the ceiling.
Over at the cable access station, some goon named Brett is finishing up Phoebe's makeup for her final day of taping. Chronic arrives to lend his support, which comes in the form of another offer for a nationally syndicated program of her own. Phoebe pffts. "You said you'd enjoy the ride," Chronic argues as Phoebe rises from her chair, "so enjoy it. When you step out on that stage today, don't hold back. I want you to lose yourself in the moment, okay? You might be surprised." No, Chronic, Phoebe didn't agree to enjoy the ride, because you shoved your tongue down her throat before she could get a word in edgewise, but whatever. I copied down his line only because nothing that follows would make sense without it, as they've chosen to eliminate Phoebe's Fucking Backup Band for this evening's presentation. Mind you, I don't miss it at all, but long story short, Phoebe's supposedly channeling Chronic's dethirezth right now, so when Thimon's Glimmering Wave Of Madcap Demonic Mojo shimmies through the backstage area as it does at this point, you'll need to remember that Phoebe's not suddenly flung into an alternate dimension partly of her own making, but rather of Chronic's. Of course, there's still the massive plot hole represented by Big Gay Chris's crafty slip of paper from three scenes ago. If Thimon's reading the Chris-penned dethirezth from that sheet, there's no way Phoebe would enter the soundstage to discover that she now has her own nationally syndicated talk show, financed by Chronic and airing on his network of stations, because Big Chris would have no way of knowing what Chronic wants for his aunt. Right? RIGHT? Feh. I hate this show. Phoebe enters the soundstage to discover she now has her own Chronic-financed, nationally syndicated talk show entitled Ask Phoebe. Phoebe claps a shocked hand over her gaping mouth as thousands cheer, and we dive into the blackness of the commercial break praying there's an ocean of booze waiting for us down there in the dark.