Episode Report Card Demian: C | 1 USERS: A+ YOU GRADE IT Welcome To Fantathy Thithtern!
By Demian | Season 6 | Episode 6 | Aired on 10.25.2003
Once we return, the camera tracks back from Tiny Gay Chris's shrieking head to linger on the two demonic alternate-reality vignettes shimmering side-by-side in the water, before it dives back into Raige's world. While an entire brigade of drearily attired wickedness hurls FBODs at the Dumpster, Raige proposes Phoebe use Thimon "as a conduit" to find Piper. Phoebe does so, quickly sensing through Thimon Piper's present mood of terror mixed with desperate isolation. So, all of you complaining about Phoebe channeling Piper's emotions in spite of last week's empath-blocking potion? Pick another of the four hundred and fifty-two plot holes, continuity errors, logic gaps, and bits of contrivance that remain in tonight's episode, and run with that instead.
Back in The Lair Of The Limey, Thimon rants that Big Gay Chris has ruined everything! Now Phoebe and Raige will find Piper, and together, the three of them will kill him! Unless, Thimon muses while drawing a nine-inch dagger from his coat, Thimon gets to Piper first. Big Chris is completely beyond caring at this point and so, frankly, am I, so could you move it along, please? Thimon dematerializes into a swirling funnel cloud of smoke that plunges into Piper's vignette. When he rematerializes on the sidewalk across from the ruined Grand Cherokee, we can see that the pick-up's engine is ablaze. Thimon stalks towards Piper with a grin on his face as she finishes retrieving Tiny Gay Chris from the back seat, and I'm not going to bother wondering why neither of them appears to be injured after that crash, despite the truck clearly slamming right into Tiny Chris's car seat. Whatever! Piper hoists Tiny Chris onto a hip and sneers, "You're not demon enough to kill me." Thimon says something incredibly stupid just as his Glimmering Wave Of Madcap Demonic Mojo shimmies through the scene, conveniently depositing Phoebe and Raige in the crosswalk. Phoebe immediately launches into a spin-kick, and oh, dear. This stunt sequence is pathetic. A double they didn't even bother to wig correctly takes the fall for Desmond Askew, while a man in a copy of Phoebe's business attire rises to his no-doubt-painfully-shod feet above the purported Askew-alike. Seriously, if you freeze the tape at the right moment, you'll see the stuntman's bicycle shorts poking out beneath Phoebe's skirt. Raige dashes over to Piper's side and summons Thimon's dagger with her orbing telekinesis. Of course, nothing happens, but at least she tried. "Phoebe" tosses "Thimon" up against the ruined Grand Cherokee, then spins to plant a stiletto heel in the still-gaping gouge in "Thimon's" shoulder. Phoebe spots the Grand Cherokee's burst tank spilling gasoline all over the street, and orders the others to run before taking off down the street herself. Thimon obliviously rises to his feet in the middle of that rapidly expanding puddle of gas to make with the usual bad-guy threats as the shot shifts to the Ps plus Tiny Chris racing towards the camera, and that's got to be the worst green-screen effect I've ever seen on this show. The actors are clearly being filmed beneath incandescent stage lamps, while the flaming vehicles and trees in the intersection behind them bask in natural sunlight. After far too many seconds of this, the gasoline ignites into a fireball that instantly consumes Thimon before barreling after the Glamorous Ladies. Just before it torches their fleeing backs, however, the gals plus Tiny Chris erupt into a spray of twinkly lights that blasts towards the camera as the shot cuts over to…
…The Lair Of The Limey. The twinkly spray leaps from the cistern to reform as Our Intrepid Heroines, who continue galloping for a couple of paces before realizing where they are. Phoebe phrets about Chronic until Raige assures her that alternate-reality Chronic was as much an artificial construct of Phoebe's dimension as alternate-reality Kathryn Joosten was in Raige's own. That makes sense in my head, so let's keep moving, okay? The gals spot my prettily impaled husband on his conveniently placed animal pelt, and bellow for the Dolt. The Dolt orbs in with various demands, but Piper shuts him down with, "Heal now, questions later." The Dolt applies the tingly touch first to Tiny Gay Chris, then to his Big Gay Counterpart. As Big Chris's wound glows, the tingly touch flares out and morphs into the sun setting behind the Golden Gate Bridge. Nice transition, guys. Of course, it's an incredibly obvious one, so I suppose my surprise stems from the fact that you haven't beaten it to death in at least forty of the previous episodes.