Episode Report Card Jacob Clifton: A+ | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Boned By The Lohan
By Jacob Clifton | Season 3 | Episode 5 | Aired on 10.23.2008
Daniel asks Betty to proof his dating service application -- "Since the last woman I picked ended up burning my house down, I thought I'd trust the professionals" -- and she questions everything on it, then rewrites the whole thing. Net result of this scene is that Daniel is adorable doing that tree thing with the yoga, and Betty pisses herself about partying with Kimmie because it was such a big deal one hundred billion years ago. This whole "grown nerd gets stuck back in high school" thing, I never got that. It's like, didn't you do enough drugs after high school to effectively burn out those parts of your brain? And if not, why not, ya nerd?
Kimmie brings Amanda a giant cookie, and she's all, "You're pretty. I just assumed you weren't because you're a friend of Betty's." Kimmie goes on and on about how great she is at making copies, and Amanda tells her what's important is skating by on your looks, then brutally cuts off her tiny backpack.
Billy Elliot auditions, where Hilda is still all the fuck over his life. Bully stud is there and he's all like, "My mom said I have to do this if I want to play football." First of all: no. No she didn't, no that did not happen, in any way. I love how Broadway auditions are just like this total drag for everybody. And secondly, now both Justin and Bully Stud are professional-level dancers, but nobody knows that? This is effed. The human horrors that are casting agents for Broadway shows, when looking for talent, you know their first stop? Flushing. And lastly, like not one of the scary Broadway moms is there with a blowgun waiting to take out these two unknowns for even daring to show up? Not to mention that Justin refers to Bully Stud as "no competish" and Ignacio grins and hugs him instead of shaking him until his teeth rattle.
The date matchup is: Smart, a former model, loves her job... It's Wilhelmina, obviously. Extra points for the total creepiness of her dream date: a picnic in the park. With children. Daniel heads out and Betty tells him to do another button, so he starts undoing more buttons, and she's like, "The other way!" At some point Daniel became my favorite character. I just realized that. Weird. Kimmie comes around the corner looking glamorous and hot with like fake wind in her hair and a good song playing. She explains to Betty that Amanda took her to the closet and hair and makeup, and that she invited Amanda and Marc on their date. Cut to the three of them having lots and lots of fun while Betty gets harassed up front with the yucky cab driver, who explains to her that she is not part of their crew. They pull up to the club and Amanda randomly goes, "Oh my God we're totally here" in that psycho deadpan.