Episode Report Card Jacob Clifton: A+ | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Boned By The Lohan
By Jacob Clifton | Season 3 | Episode 5 | Aired on 10.23.2008
Also, w/r/t Wili, "avoidance is key," because if you screw up with her you could be fired, or possibly die. Why is Betty screaming so loud? She negotiates Marc into giving her the receipts instead, in return for tickets to a Colin Farrell premiere. Man, if he was on this show at the same time as Lindsay what would happen to the world? Kimmie's amazed. That's G is for "gumption," which Betty still thinks she kind of has. Then she tries to teach Kimmie to say Wili's name like a thousand times, and it's pretty funny, especially when Betty just finally breaks down (after "Hellmamina") and shouts, "What is wrong with you?" Then she gives her a lame pep talk that ends in "2, 4, 6, 8, Kimmie Keegan used to be great!"
Claire has a conversation with Daniel in which she says DJs name about eleven times in every sentence, but also includes a video game called Street Wars V: Revenge Of The Pimps. Daniel catches on to her subtle DJ-dropping game and says he doesn't want to talk about it. OMG Daniel like you actually care. "Wah wah, I had a child for three minutes and then it went away, and now all I have is these whores and a pile of blow but they are so meaningless without an annoying French child with whom to share them." He cries her a river of tears and she's like, "I love that you want a family, no matter how terrible that is!" And then he's like, "My clock is ticking!" This is preposterous. Claire points out that Bradford managed to knock some people up from the grave, so surely Daniel's family is workable.
Ignacio and Hilda watch the sudden gay nuclear explosion of Justin and are amazed, and Ignacio tells her to stop riding him all crazy and obsessed show mom like she is. Hilda's like, "He is being bullied! By this one hot kid who is clearly gay for him! It is a nightmare and only Broadway can save him!" But man, if all the shit Ignacio decided to warn, chasten, moan or otherwise berate you about turned out to be real, we would be living in a nightmare werewolf world.
Kimmie got Daniel an appointment for some kind of manicure, and this showed that she did all the steps of ARG, and then Kimmie wants to go out and party with Betty. "I tried to get in before, but it's like they could smell the Bridge & Tunnel on me, but now we're VIP!" Betty doesn't seem to realize that toxic is forever, though, because she's like, "Sweet! Kimmie wants to go clubbing with me!" I think that Betty got Lyme disease from her adventures in nature. Or oh, what if like halfway through this season Peg comes running to tell everybody that Betty hit her head on the Grand Canyon and is blocking out a horrible crime she did, or some lesbian bicycle sex, and that's why she's so stupid now.