Episode Report Card Jacob Clifton: A+ | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Boned By The Lohan
By Jacob Clifton | Season 3 | Episode 5 | Aired on 10.23.2008
Everybody's grossed out and Kimmie starts crying, all, "I thought we were friends," and Marc yells "Granny Pants!" at Betty, because her morals are suspect in his eyes. Then, randomly, she receives the text from Kimmie that she and Christina decided never existed, proving that Kimmie is ... I don't even know. I think Betty and Christina should spend less time together because they are both kind of tragic and when you put them together it's exponential. Like when the irresistible plot device meets the immovable dolt, what happens is that Betty does something shitty that makes no sense. She's just, like... Teri Hatcher now.
In the halls of the school, Dance Trade comes running up all flirting with a completely different personality and whatever, it's weird. I don't know what to do with a conversation that includes "jazz squares," whatever those are. Fumbling Politeness goes in for the dap, and Justin slaps it with his little hand, and Bully Stud realizes that he has just allied himself with the equivalent of a foreign exchange student. You know what, as great as it would be to just go there with Justin, because I love how everybody just knows and they don't have to talk about it, because it's more realistic in my experience than any huge drama-filled bitter Coming Out revolution, but I would like to see Hilda just be like, "This is not the boy for you" or something. However, having said that: what if Justin just had like an incredibly close non-gay friend and, I don't know, learned how to operate in the real world instead of this comfy gay cloudland where you have no social responsibility to meet people halfway? So like the kid could be the ambassador of normal and people wouldn't always be having to step in and make exceptions for Justin's bizarre behavior. Plus it's always so sad in Queens that like, if he fell in love with the kid and the kid turned out to be NI, then Justin would just cry and cry, and that would be funny but also serious and good, because I do love Justin and I love him most when he's more than yet more brightly colored gay set dressing, which is what he is most of the time.
Betty talks Daniel into making Kimmie the Mode buzzmaker, as her job, and asks about his date. Daniel had a good time, of course, but they aren't going to date of course. I wish they would. They have a big Editorial meeting, and Wili chooses Daniel's "Love Is A Battlefield" idea in front of everybody, apologizing for her puppy stuff. It's so weird that it makes Betty's stomach hurt, but I know she's got an evil plan. Then Daniel promotes Kimmie to Associate Editor, believably enough, and the whole room applauds her just like she wanted, and in case you're dumb like Betty, here's yet another flashback. Everybody climbs all over her and acts ridiculous, and Betty gets all jealous and stuffs her feelings deep inside, then congratulates Kimmie, who barks out a coffee order and then gets hardcore on Betty: