Episode Report Card Joe R: B- | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Act Your Age, Not Your...On Second Thought, Don't Act Your Age
By Joe R | Season 6 | Episode 1 | Aired on 01.15.2007
Even through the doors, the judges hear Josh yell, "I need an Abba song now?!" By the way, the Minnesota accent is wreaking havoc on the pronunciation of "Abba," which doesn't so much rhyme with "Jabba" as it does with "grab a." Josh polls his fellow auditioneers for any knowledge at all of Abba and what songs they may have sung. While this goes on, a pretty kicky little punk cover of "Dancing Queen" plays in the background. And, in what I find to be a pretty deflating development, that's the song Josh got someone to dictate to him. What I wouldn't have given for some "Voulez-Vous" up in that bitch. He's going a million miles an hour, making changes in highlighter because be doesn't have a pen, asking, like, the cameraman for advice. He's awesome. I love him. "I'm gonna be called the Dancing Queen for years," he tells us at home, "but it's worth it if I can go to Hollywood, so I don't care!" And now it's kind of sad, because he's thinking they wouldn't make him jump through all these hoops and then not put him through. And I still think they want to put him through on being a likeable kid alone, but...well, you'll see.
Josh's version of "Dancing Queen" is like if the wedding in Mama Mia! served shards of glass to its guests before asking them to sing along. It's admirable in its literalness, but it is exactly what the judges did not want to see when they were asking for variety. Simon's like, "So it's that voice, then? All the time?" Josh says he can also do Barry Manilow, and he growls out "Her name was Lola..." before the judges can't help but laugh. "Oh, I'm getting laughed at!" Josh despairs, in this tone that says, "I didn't think I was one of those auditions." Damn. The judges still really like him and don't want to make him feel bad. Jewel is like, "Can you sing without the gravel in your throat? Please? That's all these people want and they will send you to Hollywood!" She also expresses concern for his pipes, with the way he sings. He says he's been singing in his band "like, every day" for years. And that right there is the out that the judges needed: he's in a band. He should go back to being in his band. They're 100% correct, of course. Jewel asks if he writes his own songs (he does -- probably "I'm Sorry, After You" and "Do You Need Some Help, Ma'am?" and other such anthems of polite angst) and says that's definitely what he should do, because he's not right for this show. Simon says he's too one-dimensional, though he likes our Josh and says so. Josh makes one last impassioned plea, saying if he makes it to Hollywood, and works with the vocal coach they have there (kid did his homework), he'll do them proud. He says he loves his band, but this is "once in a lifetime." Simon says, "Yeah, I know," in the most sincere tone you will ever hear coming out of his mouth. Was that...was that empathy? I'll check...no, Al Gore's still not answering his phone. Randy and Jewel and Joe R all advise Josh to stick with his band. Paula -- completing her two-hour tour-de-bender -- manages to make her mouth say "pass." Simon says in a year's time Josh will thank them for not putting him through. Polite as ever, Josh nods sadly and thanks them. And he exits the correct door! All is not lost!