Episode Report Card Joe R: B- | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Act Your Age, Not Your...On Second Thought, Don't Act Your Age
By Joe R | Season 6 | Episode 1 | Aired on 01.15.2007
Ryan segues into a montage that tells us that a lot of dudes were getting rejected in Minny. One of them, unless I'm mistaken, was Anthony from last season's Hollywood round. Remember Anthony? Cute, overly processed, had to put up with a Brittenum in the group performances. Anyway, Anthony allows that maybe "next year" it'll happen. Eh, maybe next year you'll have found a job, Anthony. Ryan jokes that "what this competition needs is a real man." Enter Matt Volma, who is a country fan whose entire shtick is that he's boring. I know, it's scintillating. And he does his job really well, to the point where I'm going to just gloss over him, because really, this thing is two hours long, and I believe state labor law says I get to gloss over one audition per two hours of recapping. So: Matt's boring, says he has "pizzazz," and sings "Folsom Prison Blues" like a man on his way to prison. Jewel asks him if this is all a joke (it is), but he denies it. Four "no" votes is the bad news, but the good news is that he exited out the correct door.
Montage O' Awful Dudes continues for a bit until we're introduced to Jarrod Fowler, a Naval intelligence specialist stationed on the U.S.S. Ronald Reagan out of San Diego. It's a seaworthy ship, to be sure, but it can never seem to remember where it's going. It also ignores other, smaller ships when they get AIDS. Anyway, footage of the Reagan in action is accompanied by Kenny Loggins encouraging us to take a highway to the danger zone. Like, the real song, not a cheap-o knockoff, which is another example of Idol production values clearing the low bar set for it. The Commanding Officer of the Reagan explains that while his men work hard, he likes for them to be able to play hard as well, and we see that this entails a ship-wide "Reagan Idol" competition. And before you go thinking that this is the gayest thing the Navy's ever done -- and that's saying something -- you should really check out the somber monotone of the girl they got to host this thing. Yeesh, way to suck all the fun out of being at war, lady.
Inside, Jarrod sings "Bless the Broken Road" by Rascal Flatts, also known as "that song by that band your aunt likes." It's a pretty enough voice, all things considered. Though, as Randy notes, he was a little frilly with the pitch. Simon goes out on a limb and says people will like Jarrod. Paula sloshes all around about how that song has been all up Idol's ass ever since Rascal Flatts performed on the Season 4 finale. Jewel wants him to watch his "pitchiness," and Randy refrains from slugging her for taking his catchphrase. Anyway, Jarrod's on to Hollywood, and as he exits, you see he's clearly about to try to open the locked door, but they cut away to a shot of him emerging through the correct door into the hallway, so he avoids looking stupid. Pimping! Show-sponsored pimping! Start the phone chain! Anyway, Jarrod's towering frame hugs his various family members as he laughs his ass off that he actually pulled this off. Unfortunately, unless he made the Top 24, George Bush probably just sent his ass to Iraq. Way to ruin our moment, Mr. President.