Episode Report Card Demian: D+ | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT SPARKLE, Phoebe, SPARKLE! (Part II)
By Demian | Season 6 | Episode 2 | Aired on 09.27.2003
Whatever. The four blather for a bit more before the doorbell rings below. Oscar The Raige-Humping Dog trots into the attic to yip at Raige's feet. Dolt-related canine hijinks ensue, but you'll have to look elsewhere for the details. It's just too much for one recapper to bear. Phoebe and Raige skitter downstairs to find a battered Darryl on their doorstep. "I think I just got attacked by Attila the Hun," he mopes. Raige and Phoebe gape.
Isle Of Dykes. Strap-On motors on up to Vaughn, Riley, and Piper with some alarming Stooge news. The warriors have "turned off their locators" -- something they've been instructed to do only during "the final battle between good and evil" -- and have slaughtered "civilians" in San Francisco. Piper immediately offers her city-smarts to help track down the Stooges, and we head into the break with Strap-On shooting Our Dear Piper a scorching, distrustful side-eye. Strap-On. Darling. What's your damn problem? Lighten up already!
Manor. The Dolt applies the tingly touch to Darryl's scratched-up face, which presently heals. Darryl informs the others of The Three Stooges' presence in the city. The gang decides to split up, both to search for The Stooges and to figure out another way to get Piper off Dyke Island. To these ends, Darryl heads back to Trudeau Memorial, Phoebe exits for the paper, and the Dolt orbs out with Chris, bound for parts unknown. Oh, yeah -- almost forgot: Raige bolts to return Oscar The Raige-Humping Bulldog to his rightful owners. So nice to see she has her priorities in order.
Isle Of Dykes. Oh, God, this scene is dumb. And pointless. So dumb and pointless, in fact, that I completely forgot about it the second it ended, and am thus now surprised to find it unreeling once more upon my television screen. Long story short, the Dolt drags Big Gay Chris into the cave, learns from some random (albeit attractive) warrior-type that Piper and the Brides already left for San Francisco, and shoves Chris into the bamboo pen for a swordfight. You can see why I retained no memory of it. By the way, Krause pronounces "Freyja" as "Frayzhuh," which makes him sound like my dad talking about Kelsey Grammer. There's a single moment of significance during this entire sequence: The Dolt pins Big Gay Chris to the sand and presses the tip of the broadsword against his neck. Big Gay Chris splutters, "You can't kill me! I'm a Whitelighter!" to which the Dolt retorts, "Oh, yeah? Then why are you sweating?" Because he's your son, asshole. Get off him already. Jesus. Also, Big Gay Chris has a teeny little scar on the bottom of his chin. Then again, I already knew that, because I married him in Toronto last June, and husbands tend to know about each other's teeny little scars long before the wedding. Sigh.