Episode Report Card Demian: D+ | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT SPARKLE, Phoebe, SPARKLE! (Part II)
By Demian | Season 6 | Episode 2 | Aired on 09.27.2003
Manor sun porch. Phoebe and Raige confer with the Dolt and Big Gay Chris, who have just returned from an audience with the ever-useless Elders. Just how useless are those Elders this evening? They believe that a demon banished the Dolt to Valhalla, and they're fairly certain there might maybe be a fifty-fifty chance Phoebe's new power could possibly be of use in saving Piper, but only if it's used correctly, which they don't know how to do. Tools. Fortunately, my pretty pretty husband is there to set things right. "Isn't there a spell in the Book that allows somebody to feel what you feel?" he asks. "Which in this case," he adds, turning to Phoebe, "would be Piper feeling what you're feeling Piper should be feeling." Pause. "Did that make any sense?" "Frighteningly, it did," Raige admits, then wonders, "What about that spell I used last year on Cole? I could reword it for Piper." Chris reminds them that it won't be easy to get close enough for the spell to work. Phoebe glumly agrees, then stumbles upon a brilliant plan. "Our powers are emotion-based," she reasons. "If I can channel Piper's feelings, why can't I channel her powers, and then use them against her?" Everyone thinks this is a good idea, instead of realizing that Phoebe's a sociopathic attention whore and needs to be packed off to an asylum.
Isle Of Dykes. Raige orbs into some azaleas with the Feebs, and the two emerge onto the path directly behind Piper. Piper immediately slams Raige to the ground with some VTK. "Why does she always pick on me first?" Raige pouts, and quite honestly, that's a damn good question. Piper and Phoebe are always kicking Raige's ass on this show. Just one more reason for you to quit, Rose. As if the stupid leprechauns, the assy nymrods, the fucking unicorn, and that goddamned leg-humping bulldog weren't enough. Oh, and then there's Phoebe's brand-new Fucking Backup Band. That would get me to break a contract, crippling financial penalties be damned. The Backup Band is getting quite a workout in this scene, what with all the channeling of emotions that's required for Phoebe to swipe Piper's VTK so she can knock Piper to the ground over and over and over again. Once Piper finally seems down for the count, Raige whips out a slip of paper and recites the following:
Open Piper's heart to reveal