Episode Report Card Demian: D+ | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT SPARKLE, Phoebe, SPARKLE! (Part II)
By Demian | Season 6 | Episode 2 | Aired on 09.27.2003
That part which only Phoebe feels.Send it back from whence it came,
But don't protect her from the pain.
A spray of twinkly red lights erupts from the Fun Bags, barrels down the island path, and nails Piper in the chest. She grunts from the impact, then rises to stand stock-still in something approximating shock as various Valkyries arrive to witness the end of the scene. "Did they hurt you?" asks Bride Of Vaughn. "No," Piper admits. "They helped me." She takes a few hesitant, measured steps towards the Brides and her sisters, then quickens her pace after she makes a silent decision. "I know what you do here -- I understand its purpose -- so you can trust that your secret is safe," she assures Vaughn before shifting her focus to Phoebe and Raige. "But I think it's time for me to go home." Smiles all around. Shut up, Phoebe.
The Bay Mirror, that evening. Phoebe phones Chronic from the exterior hallway. Relationship chatter. Whatever. These people need to die. Chronic's going back to Hong Kong for a bit, and would very much like to stick it into Phoebe one more time before he leaves. Phoebe begs off, because her new powers are making her crazy. Of course, she doesn't actually say this to him, but that's the gist of it. Scene.
Manor. Big Gay Chris is on his knees in the parlor, sweeping up the sad, shattered remains of his mother's Mysterious Curio Cabinet Of Tacky Marital Memorabilia. Raige enters in a backless, strapless, short, tight purple dress. Nice color on her, actually, but those red pumps have got to go. She offers to help Chris tidy up in the morning, but he insists he do it himself as penance for fighting with the Dolt. Phoebe enters, and true to form, she's all, "My boss, my new power, my job, my life, my horny men, my boobs, me, me, me, me, me. ME!" Raige tolerates this for about three seconds, then bails to hook up with Joe Millionaire. Of course, she doesn't explain that Oscar's now human, so Phoebe and Big Gay Chris think Raige is fucking a dog.
Bridal Boudoir. Piper dandles Tiny Gay Chris on her knee. The Dolt raps on the door, wondering if he's allowed to enter. Piper lets him in and passes Tiny Chris to his worthless deadbeat of a father. After a bit of the "He's getting so big!" nonsense from the Dolt, they place Tiny Chris in his playpen, and proceed to scar him for life by ending their marriage right in front of him. No, seriously. Piper basically tells the Dolt to shove off, mainly because she's sick and tired of him running off to do his job all the time, but also because she's realized -- finally -- that she can't be married to "an angel" and still have that normal life she's been bitching about since day one. The Dolt agrees it's for the best, pats Tiny Gay Chris on his head, and orbs up to Whitelighterland. The camera lingers on Piper's uncertain face, then tracks back through the room and out the mullioned window, craning upwards a bit to isolate Piper in the single pane of clear glass before fading to black.