Episode Report Card Demian: D+ | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT SPARKLE, Phoebe, SPARKLE! (Part II)
By Demian | Season 6 | Episode 2 | Aired on 09.27.2003
Whatever. Tin Tin, Stumpy, Raige, and Darryl dart into the crappy green digital overlay and vanish. Unfortunately, before the crappy green digital overlay closes, the trio of warrior-types charges through after them. The Brides of Riley, Vaughn, and Strap-On jiggle up to stare at Piper. Piper mildly appraises each of them in return to end what in syndication will be the pre-credits sequence.
Back in the inviting and neon-lit alleyway from the end of the first hour, that luckless Chinese gangsta remains handcuffed in the back seat of Darryl's car. Heh. The crappy overlay opens at the far end of the alley to disgorge our four intrepid ocean-hoppers. The Manor morons immediately orb back to the house for a processing summit, leaving Corporealized Darryl to negotiate the reunification with his comatose body alone. Corporeal Darryl gingerly approaches Coma Darryl before falling right into his own chest. Reconstituted Darryl's eyes snap open, and he gleefully leaps to his feet, patting himself down to make sure everything's in its proper place. I have no idea why I find that bit so amusing. Stop looking at me like that. Darryl's elation is short-lived, however, for the crappy overlay reopens to vomit out the pursuing warriors. Larry, Curly, and Moe glare for a very long moment before the shot cuts abruptly to Darryl flying through the air to smack into his car's back window. Darryl then slowly and squeakily slides down said window to settle on the trunk, just like the frogs in Magnolia. Hee. The handcuffed gangsta gawps as The Three Stooges race out into the street.
Manor. Raige and Stumpy orb into the parlor with Tin Tin. The Blue Light Special's glissading shriek alerts Big Gay Chris to their return, and he darts in from the hall with, "Jeez, it's about time." "I was starting to get wo-" -- and here he spots his deadbeat dad -- "wo-where's Piper?" Snicker. "You son of a bitch!" sneers the Dolt before planting his fist in Chris's face. One, that's no way to treat your son, and two, just wait 'til I tell Piper you called her a bitch, asswipe. The force of the punch slams Chris into the wall. The Dolt latches onto his son's zippered hoodie as he grits, "Why did you do it?" "Do what?" Chris asks, all innocent-like. The Dolt hoists Chris into the air and hurls him into back-flip over one of the armchairs. Chris's head too-realistically cracks into a sideboard as he crashes to the floor, and I wince in spite of myself. As Raige orders the Dolt to knock it off, Chris tries to orb out of the room. The Dolt snatches Chris's orb cloud and pitches it right into Piper's Mysterious Curio Cabinet Of Tacky Marital Memorabilia, which instantly shatters apart upon impact. The framed wedding photo brain-wiped Piper examined so carefully in the last episode skitters across the carpet, its glass split by a single crack that appears to slice through both the Dolt's head and Piper's heart. I'd call that anvilicious, but the image flashes by far too quickly for most people to notice -- you'd really have to pause the tape to see it. Also, that orb-grabbing bit? Awesome. Brav. O. It's the best effect of the evening. In fact, this entire sequence was well-choreographed. Pity it took up less than thirty seconds of airtime.