Episode Report Card 1 USERS: A- YOU GRADE IT The Painted World
By Owen | Season 2 | Episode 3 | Aired on 10.13.1999
Oh, rooster-haired alien sidekick love-child of David Duchovny and Max Perlich boy on Roswell. No need to fight it. You will be mine. I don't know how I'll get ya but I know that I won't let ya get awa ... Sorry about that. My mind wandered during the commercials.
Paint-By-Numbers Castle. Prue runs towards a door and tries to open it, but it's bolted. She hears a noise and asks what's there. A fireball comes towards her. She shrieks and ducks. A cute Cary Elwes look-alike guy (Cary Elwes before he started looking like bald middle-aged Ronnie Howard, that is) who's dressed like he stepped off the set of Chariots of Fire runs to her and they hide in an alcove away from the fireballs. He can see that she "reads Latin, too." Prue asks where she is. CE says they're trapped in the castle in the painting, and they need to cross the room to the bookcase or they're dead. Prue asks who he is. He's Malcolm, and he thought she was going to help him, not join him. Prue gets her bitch on, or rather, she turns her bitch up, and explains that she was helping him and he was supposed to come out. They run to the bookcase. Prue uses her telekinesis to stop the fireballs. Malcolm shows her into a hidden room. The suspense has me on the edge of my seat, trying to reach the plate of Toaster Strudel I placed on the floor.
Halliwell Manor. The next day. Piper enters the kitchen, followed by Kit "Feed Me" Bigglesworth. Piper's wearing a light blue leisure suit. Phoebe the newly minted Nobel Prize-winner for physics is wearing pigtails and overalls. Don't ask me why -- the only remotely intelligent person I've ever seen in overalls was Sam Shepard. Piper asks Pheebs "what's up." Phoebe replies, "The Dow Jones, housing prices, and the Space Shuttle Discovery." Excuse me, but the ability to glance at the top fold of USA Today does not evince a high IQ. Piper's worried about Prue's absence, and figures out that she didn't come home the night before. She notices that the cat hasn't been fed, coffee hasn't been made, and one glance in the refrigerator (!?!) tells her that Prue didn't pack a lunch that day. Piper: Perhaps Prue met with some harm due to the painting? Phoebe recites some actuarial figures, concluding that there's less than a 3.3 percent chance of that. Piper gapes and exclaims, "You're like ask.rainman.com!" She asks if Pheebs has been in the BoS. Phoebe lies and denies this. Piper doesn't buy it, but "doesn't have the time for this." She goes to find Prue. Phoebe asks her about meeting Dan at the nightclub for the construction estimate. Piper asks Pheebs to go in her place. Phoebe is getting "a vibe" that Piper "likes" Dan. Piper blows this off, and asks Phoebe to give her the Dan details later. Phoebe: "Like what he was wearing?" The departed Piper's off-camera dub: "No." Heh.