Episode Report Card 1 USERS: A- YOU GRADE IT The Painted World
By Owen | Season 2 | Episode 3 | Aired on 10.13.1999
Halliwell Manor. Phoebe and Jenny on the couch. Phoebe disbelieving that Dan thought Piper was a sexpert. Jenny admits she's too embarrassed to tell Dan that she knows about sex already, and just wants to hang with Pheebs and watch some television. Jenny spots the movement in the castle window in the painting. Phoebe has her go into the other room to fetch a pen. While Jenny's occupied, she spies the word "NELL" with a magnifying glass. Jenny comes back and Pheebs thankfully prepares the bum's rush for her by drawing a quick diagram on a piece of paper and sending Jenny on her merry way. Woo hoo! In front of the manor, Jenny looks at the doodle -- it's a drawing of an egg cell called "Us" and several sperms swimming toward it labeled "Them" -- as the Guitar Twang Of Diminished Comic Expectations taken from the Seventh Heaven soundtrack plays in the background. Jenny shakes her head and moves on, hopefully to find some traffic in which to play.
Street outside Halliwell Manor. TC stalking from a car. She bites her lip and puts on some sunglasses.
Inside the manor. The clock now reads six thirty. Phoebe flips through the BoS, calling, "Nell, Nell. Find me, Nell." The pages stop. Phoebe praises herself as a "super-smart witch." She reads passages in Latin. Blah blah in the 1920s a witch named Nell trapped a powerful warlock blah blah hidden spell in a painting blah blah how do I get sisters out blah blah blah blah. She finds a "freeing" spell. Thinks out loud how she can get the words to the Ps without getting trapped inside the painting herself. Mrs. Bigglesworth enters the room and meows. Phoebe: "No, I couldn't." Owen: "No, you can't, because cats don't speak Latin and you couldn't figure out how to pour pee out of a boot."
PBN Castle. The hard Ps and Malcolm in the back chamber. Prue suggests that someone wait outside of the bookcase for a response from Phoebe. Malcolm volunteers. Prue expresses her doubts about Malcolm's identity to Piper because she doubts that a mortal could have put a "HELP" message on the window without having special powers to avoid the pitfalls in the front room. They both hear a "whoosh" and enter the front room. Malcolm spots Mrs. Bigglesworth wearing a message attached to her collar. Mrs. B hisses at him. Malcolm grabs her and starts to read Phoebe's "freeing" spell. Prue and Piper figure out the what. Piper tries to freeze him. He starts to blip around the room, demonstrating his warlock "blinking" power. He finishes reciting the spell and exits the scene while making a "V for Victory" arm gesture. Prue says she thought he was an innocent who needed help. Piper: "I'm not talking to you." Heh.