Episode Report Card 1 USERS: A- YOU GRADE IT The Painted World
By Owen | Season 2 | Episode 3 | Aired on 10.13.1999
Halliwell Manor. Prue extinguishing the fire, leaving a charred picture frame. She states that she "didn't want them to die, just wanted them trapped in the painting forever." The other Ps are glad the painting's gone for good. One last thing -- just how did Phoebe get the collar away from Malcolm? Why, she picked his pocket! Phoebe beams, and basks in "Oh, Alice" looks (tm Mr. Stupidhead) from the hard Ps.
P3 Nightclub. Piper, sitting at the bar with Dan, looks at the construction estimate. The remodeling will cost a quarter of a million dollars and require a crew of seventy-five. Piper's "not feeling real guilty about not helping Jenny with her paper." As if she should! Dan admits that the estimate was genius Phoebe's. Piper asks if Dan can fix up her place "cheap and quick." He's hired, and it's hard cheese on Leo as his role as "handyman/love interest" is usurped. Piper goes back to work, and we cut to Prue wearing an ugly "do" rag on her head and Phoebe wearing another frightful peasant blouse, giggling and sitting on their asses (natch) on a couch. Dan comes up to Pheebs and asks if she has a minute. He gives her the sperm and egg diagram and lectures her about the importance of Jenny doing her own paper in her own writing, "using her own smarts." What the? Phoebe says she understands. Dan leaves. Before you can ask, "Ah, but what did we really learn from the latest adventure of the Halliwell sisters?" Phoebe monologues about the smart spell causing her to discover a lot of "cool information out there" (dude!) and the desire to take some "night classes." Prue urges her, "Just don't lose that common sense!" Shah, right. Phoebe then rips up her aptitude test form and gives up "the job [she] won't be getting." Piper joins the other Ps and they present Pheebs with her saving-the-day gifts -- some pretty whorish black high heels with ankle straps and a mismatched tan pleather handbag with a side panel of green striped Muppet fur. (AM's brief modeling pose with the purse was pretty funny, I must admit.) Then the viewers get thwacked repeatedly with the iron-skillet exclamations of "Smart lady!" and "Pure genius!" from the hard Ps. Since the director still hasn't yelled "Cut!" the Ps all grab the sex doodle and Phoebe names the egg "Piper" and the sperm "Dan" and the actresses titter their way to the end of another episode.