Episode Report Card Shack: D+ | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT First Dubya, now this
By Shack | Season 1 | Episode 12 | Aired on 08.20.2002
Credits. Once again Black and Decker enter through the audience. They still haven't figured out that lighting problem, so don't stare directly at the screen. Well, it's not a good idea to stare directly at the screen when Brian's on anyway. Brian says, "Ba ba booey," for some reason. Howard Stern says, "Dude, just because we're both obsessed with boobies doesn't mean you're cool enough to be on our show. Zip it, creepy dude." Ryan leans over and kisses some zaftig woman in the audience directly on the lips. I bet it's his mom. They introduce themselves and the show and the usual blah blah blah. They make their way up toward the stage in order to introduce the judges. Ryan calls Randy his "main man." He's trying to win Simon back by making him jealous. Ryan introduces Paula as his "ideal woman." To go shopping and tanning and talk about cute boys with, no doubt. He introduces Simon by saying that he's his "father." No, see, they prefer the term "Daddy." Brian can explain it to you. Ryan extends it to this lame-o comparison of Simon as Darth Vader and blah blah thump! Be more funny!
Black and Decker inform us that they received more than fifteen million votes last night as they show the four finalists sitting on their little couch. They're all dressed pretty casually. The clip show from last night features Ryan acting like a chimpanzee, Simon praising Nikki, Simon criticizing Justin, Paula's stupid insult, and Simon's comeback. And then there's some other business, but it's not really important, so let's just fast-forward through all that and pay it no mind.
Commercials. Why do…what? Oh no, really, nothing happened for those few minutes. Believe me, it isn't worth even mentioning. No really. It's not important. It was just a little…look, just trust me. It wasn't important. At all. Okay, fine. The kids did a little medley. It doesn't really matter which songs they were, does it? It was just some singing. Nothing to discuss. What about this Taco Bell ad? Isn't it just the stupidest? Okay, fine, it was a medley of Paula Abdul hits. Are you happy? Can we talk about this eye shadow commercial now? What? Why would you want a recap of the medley? It was a medley of Paula Abdul songs. Don't you have any self-respect? Better yet, don't you have any respect for me? I'm kind of in a good place right now, and I'd rather not…okay, okay. Fine, I'll recap it. But when it puts me over the edge and I start banning every third poster on the boards, you'll have only yourself to blame.