Episode Report Card Shack: D+ | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT First Dubya, now this
By Shack | Season 1 | Episode 12 | Aired on 08.20.2002
But the crowd, of course, loves it. Some guy brings his kid up to the stage on his shoulders to give Justin a high five. Randy says that it was ambitious to take on Michael Jackson, but he doesn't think it was his favorite "Michael performance." Paula takes her face out of Justin's crotch long enough to whine that it wasn't a "Michael performance," it was a "Justin performance," and she loved seeing him shake his "groove thing." In her face, no doubt. Justin could vomit in Paula's lap and she would cry tears of gratitude. Simon says that it was a good thing Justin sang his first song so well, because this performance was "just a bad impersonation of Michael Jackson." Honestly, the dancing was nothing at all like anything Michael Jackson would do, so whatever. I have doubts that Simon ever really paid much attention to the King of Pop in his heyday. Granted, the dancing wasn't any good, but it definitely wasn't Michael. The audience boos Simon, who smirks and drinks in all the attention. Seriously, Simon is as big an attention whore as Ryan or any of the contestants. He's just wittier about it.
Justin heads up to Black and Decker, but then Paula remembers that she has note cards with insults on them. Yay! She interrupts to tell us all that "Simon would critique a suicide note." Uck. Simon busts Paula by pointing out to everybody that she had to hire somebody to write her jokes for her, and suggests that Paula sue that somebody. Yeah, not only is that insult stupid and nonsensical, but I know that I've heard it before. Lame. So very lame. The judges start bickering. Randy takes great pains to point out that he agrees with Simon on the second performance. Shut up, all of you. Black and Decker bring up Randy's comments from last week, namely that Justin didn't pick a song that challenged him vocally, and ask whether Justin considered that when he was choosing songs. Justin says that he did. Hi, did any of you hear this last performance? It had four whole notes in it. Justin says that he chose "PYT" to show off his "energy," and "Get Here" because he really "feels" the song. Ryan blathers on about Justin's limber legs, as if he doesn't throw his ankles up over his shoulders every night. Blah blah blah votecakes. After clips of the performers singing at their dress rehearsals, Black and Decker urge us all to vote, vote, vote! And apparently, you did. Damn you. Sorry.
Wednesday. Melodramatic Announcer: "Tonight, one of these four finalists will sealed in a safe and tossed into the La Brea Tar Pits."