Episode Report Card Shack: D+ | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT First Dubya, now this
By Shack | Season 1 | Episode 12 | Aired on 08.20.2002
Back at The Octagon of Judgment, it's time to get on with the actual performances. First up is Tamyra "Future's So Bright, I Gotta Wear Shades" Gray. Back we go to the YM editors, and it's very clear that the kids are there to be profiled for the magazine, and the whole "learning about the press" thing is a load of hooey. In an interview with the editors, Tamyra tells them that she'd like to try something like sky-diving or whitewater rafting. The editors act surprised that she's actually fun and goofy and has this wild streak. Like the judges, they just don't know what to do when somebody doesn't stay shoved permanently in his or her little personality box. Tamyra's supposed to be elegant and reserved!
Tamyra hits The Octagon to sing Patti LaBelle's "New Attitude." She's gone for a very casual look tonight, wearing a blue shirt with silver writing and brown jeans with bleach splotches. Her hair is still straightened and she's added some lighter hair extensions, which, honestly, makes her even less distinctive-looking than she was last week.
She exhorts the crowd to get up on its feet and clap along with the song, but it sounds terribly quiet in there. I don't think we really hear the full reaction of the audiences on television. From reports I've read by people who have attended the shows, it sounds like there's more energy in the audience than we can actually see or hear. But still, it doesn't sound like the crowd is really with her. This isn't a very good song for Tamyra to have chosen. It already screams "theme song for a talk show on Lifetime" or "hormone replacement system infomercial," so I think it has too much cheesy, faux-empowerment baggage now to take seriously. Tamyra's voice is terribly hoarse; we'll find out later that she and Kelly both have sore throats from some unidentified illness. She flubs the lyrics slightly, but catches herself. The camera pans over the audience, and they really aren't reacting enough to create the level of energy to make the song work. Tamyra's voice sounds rather flat throughout the performance, or perhaps she just lacks energy. She just seems off. Not a good performance from Tamyra.
The audience still gives her a standing ovation. Randy says that it was an ambitious song choice, and starts talking about working with Patti LaBelle. Simon drowns him out with snoring, because he can't let anybody think that there's somebody on earth who knows more about music than he does. Shut up, Simon. Real music producers don't take moonlighting gigs as correspondents for crappy entertainment news shows. They're too busy producing music. Oh, have I mentioned that I'm as sick of Simon as I am of Black and Decker and Paula? I am. Black and Decker even get into the act, knowing full well who butters their bread, and act like Randy can't even make it through a sentence without mentioning his creds. Brian snarks, "Pick up that name you dropped." He's just jealous because Randy has actual names to drop. Anyway, Randy continues that he thought it was good, but not Tamyra's best. Adriel and Tanesha are sitting behind Randy. Adriel still looks pretty, and still has goofy hair. Paula agrees with Randy that Tamyra did a "great job," but it wasn't her best performance. Simon agrees with the other judges and tells Tamyra to prove she's still got her stuff in the second song. Tamyra smiles her winning pageant smile and nods politely to all the judges. Interestingly, nobody boos, which tends to happen with even the mildest criticism. I guess if I had been paying closer attention to that, I wouldn't have been so surprised by the final results. Tamyra heads up to Black and Decker, who give us the blah blah blah votecakes.
Commercials. When we return, it's time for Nikki "It's Still Rock And Roll To Me" McKibbin. In her clip show, Nikki corrects us all that her hair is red, not pink. You know, like that other singer called Pink, whose hair, I believe, is no longer pink, either. Or so I hear. I really haven't been paying much attention to pop music for the past six months. Don't tell anybody. The YM clones regale us with more tales of how Nikki is such an "individual" and how she experiments with her hair and look. I must be a guy, because she tends to look the same from week to week for me. There are some minor changes, but hell, Tamyra and Kelly have both shown wider variety in their looks, so here's a big sack of "whatever" for the editors of YM.