Episode Report Card Shack: D+ | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT First Dubya, now this
By Shack | Season 1 | Episode 12 | Aired on 08.20.2002
And now Brian gets the only honest laugh he has elicited from me since the show started. He introduces Kelly (Eeeeeee!) by saying, "Buckle up, West Hollywood! Singing 'It's Raining Men,' it's Kelly Clarkson!" Kelly (Eeeeeee!) heads out to the stage wearing a cute black-denim pantsuit. Disappointingly, there are no male strippers. And what is the deal with the song choice? Did "It's Raining Men" even ever make it on the charts? I thought the song was released directly into the DJ booths for Chippendales clubs and gay bars.
Just like Tamyra, Kelly (Eeeeeee!) has some serious energy problems in her song, probably for the same reason. And again, this song's got so much cheesy baggage that it simply can't be taken seriously. She sounds okay, but can't get her voice up enough for some of the notes and just isn't as solid as she normally is. She doesn't really work the stage well -- she just sort of paces around The Octagon during the song. Overall, a sort of blah performance. And again, no male strippers.
Still, the audience loves her. They love everybody. Except Black and Decker. Randy tells Kelly (Eeeeeee!) that she sounded amazing. He thinks she could make any song sound amazing. Well, if Kelly (Eeeeeee!) can make any song sound amazing, she should have picked a better song. Paula tells Kelly that her voice is "bigger than two Weathergirls put together." The Weathergirls sang the song back in the '80s, and thanks for bringing the fat jokes, Paula. You truly are the nicest person on the panel. Simon says he thinks Kelly (Eeeeeee!) did well, but he's looking forward to seeing her second performance. He seems certain that she, and the other finalists, have even better songs in the second round.
Kelly (Eeeeeee!) heads up to Black and Decker, who give us the blah blah blah votecakes. Ryan shrieks, "It's raining men!" and then lies down on his back onstage with a funnel in his mouth as Brian sends us to commercials.
When we return, it's time for Justin "Tarzan Boy" Guarini. For the ladies and readers of YM, Justin is still the holder of the (Eeeeeee!). Given some of the angry -- and poorly spelled -- emails I received when I took the (Eeeeeee!) away from Justin, I can believe it. Alyssa says they're getting tons of letters about Justin, and Abby says that Justin is going to have to deal with the "heartthrob factor." Well, I suppose when you're surrounded by eunuchs, the one guy who seems even remotely sexual comes off like a big stud. Justin declares that he's "never gonna live this down," as if he hasn't been trying to work the sex mojo every single week.