Episode Report Card Demian: C+ | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Suddenly Katya!
By Demian | Season 7 | Episode 18 | Aired on 04.23.2005
Cliché-Laden Elevator Cab Of The Damned. The shrewish married woman hags something into the intercom at the female security guard on the other end of the line as her wimpy, ineffectual husband groans at her to calm down, while the skeevy, oily fratboy-turned-corporate prick rolls his eyes around and loosens his tie. Raige, meanwhile, is on her cell phone with the Dolt, though it's not clear who phoned whom. Upon learning that the ringing in Raige's ears stopped the moment the elevator shut down, the Dolt determines that Raige should remain where she is -- as if, as she points out, she has any other choice, as she can't exactly orb away with four other people in the car, Dolt -- for the Dentist Drill Of Doom's disappearance signals the presence of her innocent, like, we know that already. God! Fortunately for what little remains of my sanity, Raige's connection dies, cutting the Dolt off mid-monologue. In short order, it becomes painfully apparent that the Bickersons are attempting via therapy to muddle their way through what clearly are irreconcilable differences; the fratboy-turned-corporate prick is a horny scuzzball with a thing for extremely pale women sporting moustaches; and the moppet has a penchant for both panic and asthma attacks but no inhaler. Oy. Raige comforts the moppet while the Bickersons scream at each other and the rebuffed fratboy-turned-corporate prick scales the elevator walls to bang at the ceiling panels. This should suck. Oh, wait. It already does.
Berkeley Dormitory Of Haaate. The coed in question bursts through her door, calling out her distressed BFF's name. She's appropriately horrified when Katya swings the door shut behind her and sidles on over with Darcy's cell phone in her hand. "Wonderful little devices, these things," Katya twinkles as she pushes her face into Haaate's. "It makes luring someone into a trap so...twenty-first century." "Where's Darcy?" Haaate demands. "Oh," Katya faux-pouts while rather menacingly reaching out to twirl a lock of Haaate's hair in her fingers at the same time, "you'll see." Katya presses a hand onto Haaate's shoulder and swarms into the commercial break. DUN!
Not!warts. Piper and Phoebe pause in their frantic search for further information on the current crisis so Piper can bitch endlessly about her Issue Of The Week. Ugh. When they finally swing back around to the matter at hand, Piper realizes she's stumbled across Katya's entry in a volume entitled The Complete Encyclopedia Of Demons. And the Manor Morons don't have a copy of this book back at the house...why, exactly? Oh, you already know how I'm going to answer that question: Because this show sucks, and I want to die. Sigh. In any event, Katya's extremely lengthy entry begins with a familiar enough recitation of her powers and recent history, but if you read through all of what's visible on screen, you'll find it shifts into something completely bizarre involving her place as the "voluptuous woman with the head of a skull" who corresponds somehow to our Eve in the creation myth of the "Puntish people." None of this, of course, has anything to do with this evening's main storyline, and as the far more relevant first paragraph contains nothing we have yet to hear, I'll be moving this along. Phoebe promptly sets to scrying.