Episode Report Card Demian: C+ | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Suddenly Katya!
By Demian | Season 7 | Episode 18 | Aired on 04.23.2005
Hell. Haaate places her shaky, wavering hands on either side of the Box. "Open it," Katya threatens, "or your friend dies." Haaate hesitates, but eventually complies. The moment she eases the lid all the way back, a black column shoots up towards the chamber's ceiling, knocking Haaate backwards onto the floor. She gazes up in something approaching stark-eyed terror as the column arches into a massive cloud above her head before clotting into a huge array of the strings we saw earlier. Katya lets loose a low cackle of triumph as the strings surge up into the world through chinks in the chamber's roof. Hey! Wouldn't those chinks drain excess ground water into Katya's tastefully appointed demonic lair every time it rains? The premiums on flood insurance down in Hell must be a real bitch. Anyway, once the Box's contents have vanished, Katya turns on Haaate, a malicious grin spreading across her face as she draws her three-pronged dagger once more from her corset. "B-b-but you said!" Haaate protests, still on the floor. "That I wasn't going to hurt you?" Katya finishes for her before snorting, "Yeah, I lied." "Since the next guardian hasn't been born yet," Katya simmers, with a hint of a chiming sing-song sneaking into her voice, as Creepy Ugly Swayze silently appears in the doorway behind her, "with you dead, there won't be anyone around to put everything back." With that, Katya flips the dagger towards Haaate's chest. Reflexively, Haaate whips her hands in front of her body, and the resulting blast of guardian mojo redirects Katya's dagger to clatter harmlessly against the chamber's far wall. Katya's obviously surprised to discover that Haaate has gained some measure of control over her newfound powers so quickly, and gapes in shock as Haaate rises to her feet just as Piper and Phoebe fade into the chamber from points Not!warts. "We're too late!" Piper breathes, spotting the open and empty Box on Katya's table. Creepy Ugly Swayze charges the new arrivals, but Piper quickly dispatches him with a flick from the mighty Hands Of Discontent. "Minions," she sneers derisively as Katya leaps across the cavern, snatches up the Box, and swarms out of there. "What are you doing here?" Phoebe demands of Haaate. Haaate feebly insists she had no choice in the matter, as Katya kidnapped her friend Darcy. "Where is she?" Phoebe demands. Haaate points the way, and Phoebe and Piper storm from the room.
Deep within Katya's lair, Darcy herself cringes on the floor against a boulder, weeping and otherwise traumatized, as Katya swarms in with Pandora's Box. Katya quite awesomely rips Darcy from the ground by her hair and effortlessly flings her into a darkened far alcove before tucking the Box away in a niche, just as Haaate's voice reaches this inner chamber. Katya then assumes Darcy's former position on the floor, and Michelle Hurd -- mopping the floor with this script's silly ass -- perfectly mimics Darcy's cowed, pearl-clutching posture of dismay while allowing her face to crumple into mask of undisguised anguish before Katya completes the transformation by morphing into Darcy's physical form. This woman rocks, people. Piper, Phoebe, and Haaate race into the room, with Haaate rushing immediately to Karcy's side. "Get me out of here," Karcy softly begs. Haaate just wordlessly nods her head as Piper and Phoebe exchange wary glances before vanishing into the final commercial break.