Episode Report Card Demian: C+ | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Suddenly Katya!
By Demian | Season 7 | Episode 18 | Aired on 04.23.2005
Berkeley. Over in Fuck You, She's Not Buffy's dorm, Piper suspiciously eyes a couple of despairing students while wondering, "What's going on around here? Something's not right." "She must have opened the Box," Katina breathes. "It's the first wave of sorrow." Piper sucks in air and goggles a bit as Katina continues, "We have to hurry before you become affected, too." Katina crosses to Fuck You, She's Not Buffy's door and gives it the back of her hand to scan the room's contents. After she's confirmed they're in the right place, Katina starts rapping her knuckles insistently on the wood as, within, Fuck You, She's Not Buffy babbles something at Darcy via her cell phone. Not Buffy eventually hangs up on her friend and, grabbing at her bag and jacket, crosses to fling open her door. Needless to say, Not Buffy's more than a little surprised to find Piper and Katina blocking her exit. There follows a surprisingly amusing little scene wherein Piper tries to ease Not Buffy into the admittedly unbelievable reality of the situation while Katina's far more impatient and brusque in delivering the relevant information, much to Piper's barely concealed aggravation. Not Buffy, naturally, thinks they're full of shit, and is ready to push past them when Katina finally snaps, "The Box! Where is it?" Not Buffy gets this puzzled expression on her face and pivots to reveal the Box where she'd left it on her bed. Katina elbows her way into the room and retrieves the thing as Piper eases the door shut behind her. "How did it come to you?" Katina demands, her eyes eerily shifting into Manson Lamp mode. "It was just there!" Not Buffy splutters. Piper snarks something about Greek mythology as Katina fondles the Box possessively and speechifies, "Pandora's Box -- a gift the gods gave to Prometheus [WRONG!], one that contained all of the evils of the world." Not Buffy gets this hysterical "Who IS this CRAZY WOMAN in my ROOM?" look on her face as Katina continues, "Until Pandora unleashed them on unsuspecting people." Katina pauses for a moment; then, with her voice sliding down an octave or two, she adds, "I hope to do the same." Piper's eyes widen. "Ah, crap!" Hee. Katina morphs into Katya, completely freaking Fuck You, She's Not Buffy out as Piper continues, "Oh, yeah. This is not good at all!" As I said, a surprisingly good scene.
Unfortunately, we immediately head back to the nonexistent attic for a scene that's neither as well played nor as necessary. And entirely lacking in sense, as proved when Elizabeth Dennehy speed-talks her way through the following explanation of this evening's central crisis to the ever-more befuddled Feebs: "Pandora's Box exists only to tempt -- it's part of the Grand Design. If mankind chooses to open it again, so be it, but guardians are supposed to protect it from being opened by demons." Buh? If the guardians control possession of the thing, how is mankind ever free to choose to open it again? God, I hate this show. Elizabeth asserts that Nina should never have let the Box out of her sight, leading Phoebe to explain that the Box fled Nina's presence of its own accord. Elizabeth claims that that's impossible, as the Box moves on to the successor guardian only when the present one dies. Phoebe's eyes widen at this, and she announces, "Okay, you have to orb me to Piper immediately." D'oh!