Episode Report Card Demian: C+ | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Suddenly Katya!
By Demian | Season 7 | Episode 18 | Aired on 04.23.2005
...Raige on one of the sofas the Manor parlor, clutching at her temples in discomfort as Phoebe jiggles in from the kitchen with some sort of homeopathic brew in a coffee cup. Raige downs the mixture as Phoebe -- "psychotically perky," as Raige puts it -- flashes her teeth at the lippy bastard and doofs. The shrill violin seems to return for a moment, leading Raige to rub at her forehead again, but this time the whining sound's more like a drill than anything else. Raige moans about being "miserable" as Phoebe launches into some goofy New-Age babble about Raige's current complaint possibly being "psychosomatic." "I mean," Phoebe explains as Raige cringes, "the inner ear has to do with balance, so maybe you're feeling imbalanced because of the whole [Not!warts] thing." Raige pauses, then near-whispers, "Phoebe! Come here!" Phoebe leans in expectantly. SMACK! Ha! "Ow!" Phoebe giggles, for Raige didn't slap her nearly as hard as I would have, given the same chance. "What was that for?" "Does that seem psychosomatic to you?" Muggy McGowan twitches. Phoebe's all, "Point taken," as the shrieking of the dead-eyed Psycho's orb cloud reaches her ears.
The bemulleted serial killer materializes in the parlor clad in a plush, green-and-black-plaid terrycloth robe, and if there's one thing I absolutely cannot stand, it's overindulged toddlers in overpriced, miniaturized versions of adult clothing. Haaaate. "I thought it was bath time!" Phoebe sings, brightly greeting her murderous elder nephew. "It is!" the Dolt chipperly announces as he bumbles in from the sun porch. He squats at the Psycho's side and babytalks something to the Psycho about Piper's certain disapproval once she learns of the Psycho's latest antics. "What's going on?" Phoebe wonders. "I think the terrible twos have begun," the Dolt confides, and if so, it's about freaking time, because the kid's supposedly almost three years old. Then again, the Psycho long ago made it clear he's -- how shall I put this? -- differently abled, developmentally speaking, so I probably shouldn't be questioning this. "Well," Phoebe replies playfully, "magical boys will be magical boys." "Try explaining that to his magical mommy," the Dolt glums, obviously fearing Piper's wrath. The Dolt natters some more babytalk in the disaffected Psycho's direction, which somehow results in the vile child orbing back upstairs just as that annoying drilling noise assaults Raige's ears once more. Phoebe and Raige explain the sitch to the Dolt, who quickly realizes that "the dentist drill going in and out" of Raige's head "could be [Raige's] Whitelighter powers coming on." "You could be hearing the call from the [ever-useless] Elders," he clarifies, perching on an ottoman. "Before I learned to control my powers," he adds, "it used to drive me nuts." Raige, refusing to believe any of this and more than a little outraged, gapes. "That?" she ices, "Is unacceptable!" Like everyone else on the face of this planet, she wants nothing further to do with the ever-useless Elders, but the Dolt's of the opinion that she has little choice in the matter, as she can't deny her heritage. Or something like that. Point is, Raige won't find out one way or the other without consulting an ever-useless Elder, and as Piper will freak if they allow one in the Manor, the Dolt offers to accompany Raige to Not!warts for a meeting. Raige reluctantly takes his proffered hand and drags him into an orb cloud that vanishes through the ceiling.