Episode Report Card Jacob Clifton: A+ | 114 USERS: A+ YOU GRADE IT Hell is Empty
By Jacob Clifton | Season 4 | Episode 12 | Aired on 08.27.2013
FRENCH CLUB
Is amazing. They're all wearing berets and boat necks, eating soufflés, being cowards, hating freedoms; there is a neon Eiffel Tower and accordion music; and yet another obnoxious woman named Jackie -- what did a Jackie ever do to this show? -- decides to pull that en français s'il vous plait bullshit on them just to be a dick. It's wonderful.
Emily: "I have a French app on my phone from when I went to Haiti, hang on."
ibid.: [French]
Jackie: [French]
Emily: "Ah, that would be the downside. Can you repeat that slowly into my phone, and project your voice?"
Paige: "CUT THE CRAP, JACKIE. Where the eff is Mona Vanderwaal?"
Jackie: "Fine. She called me this morning, on her way home from Radley. She said she was coming, and then she didn't. What a dick, too. This was her welcome back party."
Chilling. Every day of Mona's life is a day spent waiting for somebody, anybody, to welcome her. And now you got a whole party -- of people we've seen her treat like dicks before -- and she can't even be there. That's so sad! Not Jenna Thing sad, but pretty close to Jenna sad.
TOBY
Is going through a box of dumb mom junk from his dumb mom like a Mother's Day card with a fairly beautiful drawing on it of a face. He looks at thousands of objects and the hashtag says #PoorToby and poor Toby's face says #PoorToby and the folk music says #PoorToby and poor Toby says #PoorToby and when Spencer calls him yet again he is too #PoorToby to answer the phone.
Downstairs in the Brear Window, Shana is just about finished up making scary death plans for scary deaths, paperwork for murders, bills of lading for comeuppances yet to be delivered. She drops one thing, and #PoorToby snags it: the carbon slip from a parcel addressed to Wren Kingston... In London! What? How is he supposed to smooch us from way over there? It just doesn't make sense.
#PoorToby: "Spencer, I'm saying this as angrily as I possibly can so you know you're still in trouble, but I have to tell you three interesting things about a strange parcel."
HASTINGS
Spencer: "So my sister moves to London, and then Wren moves to London... I really thought that bitch was for real when she said she was escaping this whole mess."
#PoorToby: "And meanwhile Shana is sending them parcels? I thought Shana hated Melissa. Remember? It was Jenna and Shana afraid of Melissa, the three of them afraid of Wilden, and then Wilden was afraid of..."