Episode Report Card Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT If These Walls Could Talk 2
By Owen | Season 3 | Episode 18 | Aired on 03.27.2000
Cut to the house. The gang is toking on a joint. Michelle wants to "go out." She tries to convince the others to join her in checking out "the gay bar down the highway." Nia pooh-poohs it as "a dump" but Michelle wins out. Parking lot of a dive called Georgette's. The girls butcher Three Dog Night's "Joy to the World" as they walk to the door. They enter. A fifties song is crooning on the jukebox, and the bar patrons consist of femmes with dresses and big hair and butch women in suits or blue-collar apparel. The girls stand there slack-jawed in their hippie blouses while everyone in the bar stares at them and the music comes to a screeching halt. Well, I'm exaggerating about the music part, but you get the picture. Michelle leads the others to a table and insists that they stay for awhile. The blowsy bartendress shouts, "You girls sure you're in the right place?" Nia wails, "We're not GIRLS, we're WOMEN." Uch. I've been to small-town gay bars before and trust me, this is not the proper way to behave. ["Amen!" -- Jitterbug] Hello, Nia! When in Rome . . . Then Michelle shouts across the bar for a pitcher of beer. The bartrendress shouts back that there's no table service. The girls pout. Are we supposed to feel sympathy for these little snots? Hello, Michelle! It's a dive. You knew that coming in. So Nia makes a snide comment about "the women's movement being alive and kicking at this bar." Yeah, because this other woman wouldn't leave her place behind the bar to wait on these princesses hand and foot. Whatever! As Michelle gets the pitcher and some mugs, her friends make loud disparaging comments about an older woman who's looking over at the hippie divas incredulously. Guess where my sympathy lies. As Michelle walks back to the table, she gets cruised by Chloe Sevigny. Chloe's hair is slicked back and she's wearing trousers, a dress shirt, and a tie. The girls start bitching loudly about Chloe's tie. ["I thought she looked real purty." -- Jitterbug] Natasha says that she even got her father to stop wearing one. Yeah, he probably just wanted his little princess to SHUT UP. Nia adds that ties worn by women are "ten times more offensive." Because she'd know from offensive. Michelle leaves the table to go get some smokes. She walks up to the bar where Chloe is sitting and asks the bartendress for some cigs. She's told that the machine is busted. Michelle brats, "Is it busted for everyone, or JUST FOR ME?" The bartendress asks Michelle if she'd like her head busted "just for me." Actually, she doesn't, but how I wish she had. Michelle whines that "me and my friends [sic -- and way to go with the grammar, college girl] are gay too, you know!" ["Ugh!" -- Jitterbug] Chloe comments dryly, "Want a medal?" ["Thank you." -- Jitterbug] She tells Michelle that the machine really is busted, and offers her a pack of smokes. Then she asks if Michelle wants to dance. Michelle says she can't, and looks over at her friends. She walks back to the table with the graceless bow-legged gait Dawson's Creek viewers have come to know and love. Although there's half a pitcher left, the girls want to bolt. ["Okay, here's where they are clearly NOT behaving as true lesbians. I have never seen a table of lesbians leave behind a pitcher of beer." -- Jitterbug] Word! And they're college kids to boot! Michelle gives Natasha the car keys and says she wants to stay awhile. The girls give Chloe the fish-eye and depart. Chloe walks up to Michelle and asks her to dance again. She will.