Episode Report Card Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Bo Bice is the New Clay Aiken, Part III
By Jacob Clifton | Season 5 | Episode 3 | Aired on 01.30.2006
There's lots of stupid Vegas, which Ryan calls an "entertainment Mecca" and a "quickly-growing city," and we meet Jason Andino (23, the Vegas) doing his day job, which is apparently acting like an asshat while manning a gondola in some stupid casino's swimming pool. He tells us in an unbelievably irritating and stupid accent that this persona is named "Giuseppe Andino," whose friends, if he had them, call him "Pepi." Again, gimmicks are great, but you have to choose one that doesn't make me want to give you a fat lip. ["Seriously. If I'm on vacation, I fear encountering a 'Pepi' worse than, like, muggers or C.H.U.D.s or whatever. Let me enjoy Fake Venice in peace, homes." -- Joe R] Oy with the horrible stupid insulting accent already. Outside of his asshole costume, he's a nice-looking, fairly friendly kid with a good speaking voice. He sings "Stand By Me" and has a pretty, sweet voice, very tricksy and affected, like he sings in the mirror a lot but lets it lie to him. Simon fights him about his potential for stardom, and Randy says he has a good singing voice, but Paula doesn't call it a "breakout, standout voice." It's a no from Paula and Simon, but a yes from me and Randy. Outside, he tells the camera that American Idol 5 will be Pepi-less, but next year will see "the return of Pepi." Couldn't we just have the return of Jason?
Then there's pretty much an editorial hot mess as we see several rejects from past years interspersed with footage of the incredibly boring and tedious J.C. Gray, best known for his stabbing motions, he of the awful teeth and "crazy eyes." He was the dude who cooked at the mini-golf and was cured of his deafness as a child by Neil Diamond or some shit. There's Sarah Sue Kelly, still in there fighting, telling us she's changed her wardrobe and her choice of songs, and Bobby Barfoot, who's managed to become even more horrible by "letting his hair grow out" and then dyeing it green and then letting it fade and look even shittier before showing up. Those are the ones I know. There's some kind of a mess, some dude, Ryan asking them how many times they've auditioned, a cross-eyed girl who has tried out five times, Rochelle Elaine Dye from before, five times too. J.C. has a shiny new mullet and a butterfly collar, because if you're dead set on not improving, the only thing you can do is get worse. Simon asks if his current employment involves the use of knives and stabbing, and he replies that he now drives a bus. Yeah. (Simon: "Still a weapon.") Suddenly, we're outside, and Ryan's wondering what's up, and I think the deal is that Simon didn't even let him sing, but the reply is merely: "Fuck him, that's all." He acts crazy and dumb and mulleted in the elevator and bitches and gets into his car and speeds away and there's fake sound effects of him running over a cat. So thanks to him, we don't even get to see Sarah Sue Kelly's audition, which sucks, because I like her, but is nice, because we don't see her rejected.