Episode Report Card Jacob Clifton: C- | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Take Seattle To The Zoo
By Jacob Clifton | Season 6 | Episode 2 | Aired on 01.16.2007
Montage of a guy saying he can get lessons, and Simon telling him not to waste his money, and then "Blame It On The Rain" starts playing. The Milli Vanilli album and "Forever Your Girl," I bought them on the same day, and they were the first cassette tapes I ever bought with my own money. So now you know a little bit about me. ["I'd laugh, but I owned 2 Legit 2 Quit. I have no foot to stand on." -- Joe R] Lots of them saying no to people we don't even hear sing... have we lost the plot entirely? Sad guy, crying girl. They don't even look different anymore. Just people, coming out of doors and going into doors, for a million years. Two hours, I mean. You know? I didn't get in, I didn't get in, I didn't get in. Forever and ever. Was it this formulaic and boring before? I don't remember. Guess that's your answer.
Tommy Daniels (21, Troutdale OR) is hot, with a huge afro and a great voice, and though Ryan voices over about how "cocky" he is, I don't at any point see that. He says that he is getting up to the top by elevator or by stairs, and that this stupid game show could be his elevator, or else he'll use the stairs. It's like the show is offended on its own behalf that he would even dare to suggest that it will do little for his career but get him exposure. I'm used to the show being just a tad more self-aware than that. He tells the judges that he slept on the street, behind trashcans so he wouldn't get sleep-mugged, and they all agree that this is a show of dedication. Tommy tried out two years ago in Vegas, and the year before that in LA, and Randy asks if he knows what "three times" is. A charm? Randy says that means it's over, but I don't know if those are the rules or what -- Paula is like, "If that were true, none of us would have a career," and Randy agrees, but she could be saying that independent of the show rules. You know what she's like. So he sings, and it is very awesome, and Paula glazes over entirely. Simon tells him he sang very well, Paula was soothed but also had goosebumps, Randy points out that he's the only non-sucky thing to happen so far in Seattle -- like, ever, I imagine -- and mentions his beautiful tone, and also his giant afro, the former three times and the latter one hundred and six times. Outside, Ryan has a moment with Tommy's Chihuahua, and then there are hugs, and then an extended party with the dog -- at one point Paula says it's what her baby with Simon would look like -- and if there's anything more irritating then a little yippy dog, it's the way people act around a little yippy dog, so bloop-bleep to the next victim.