Episode Report Card Erin: A+ | 273 USERS: B- YOU GRADE IT "Almost thirty hours" is more like it
By Erin | Season 1 | Episode 22 | Aired on 2002.05.12
Auntie Em makes a rather flowery speech about the choices that Uncle Arvin's had to make. The gist of the thing is that she forgives him. Emily raises her glass. Sloane looks positively nauseated, but quickly covers it up with a smile. Nice going, assmonkey. Go ahead and kill your wife. You were already going to hell. Now you're just getting in line for the express train, my friend.
Before we can hear Emily's dead head hit the baked potato, we're off to Taipei. Big, hot dance club. Syd and Vaughn enter in slow motion, Syd swinging her sassy blue wig and showing off her black pleather bra from beneath her see-through top, Vaughn swinging his swivel hips from beneath a floor-length leather coat that looks primo on him.
Some guy tries to dance with Syd (or he tries to feel her up, I can't really tell -- same difference, right?) and Vaughn puts an end to that with a swift and hearty shove. Syd smiles shyly, and it's unclear whether it's Syd smiling or her Blue-Wigged Persona. Doesn't matter. It's still kinda cute.
The Dysfunctional Duo strut through the club until they get to the back of the place. Syd breaks the lock on a door, and they walk through. Meanwhile, in an alley across town, Spy Daddy pulls up in a van. Sark's car pulls up opposite, and Sark gets out. There's some macho banter between the two of them that doesn't really bear repeating. The only fun moment is when Sark says something about trading precious documents for a low-grade reporter and Spy Daddy responds, "You should read some of Tippin's stuff. It's not so bad." Heh. Heh heh.
Sark demands to see the stuff. Spy Daddy demands to see Tippin. After Spy Daddy gets his glimpse of Hamburger Will, the exchange begins. Sark's disappointed that the blank page has been exposed, but Spy Daddy tells him that he would have done the same thing so shut up about it already. Back in the back of the dance club, Syd and Vaughn separate after discussing the vagaries of their plan. Nah, I don't really know what they discussed. Don't care. I can't smell anything, I sound like Brenda Vaccaro on acid, and I just want this episode to end, goddammit.
So Sark's still checking out the merchandise, and he decides they have a deal. The henchman brings out Will, and Sark and his boys drive off into the night. Willage just sort of stands there for a moment, and then he slowly shuffles over to Jack and hugs him. "Thank you," he says, crying. Jack hesitatingly puts his arms around Will, unsure of how to take this show of emotion. If I weren't snotting myself into a frenzy right now, I'd probably cry. But then again, I'm higher than a kite right now, so I'd probably cry if I saw George W. Bush choking on a pretzel.