Episode Report Card Erin: A+ | 273 USERS: B- YOU GRADE IT "Almost thirty hours" is more like it
By Erin | Season 1 | Episode 22 | Aired on 2002.05.12
Ooooh…sparkly things…I likey the sparkly things…
Anyway, Sloane's all, it's not what I'll do if you off my wife, it's what I won't do. Huh? What? Sparkly things. Head Alliance Guy's all, staring. I'm staring now. Getting my SAG card. Staring. Sloane's all, the Alliance needs new leadership and I'm just the man for the job. Head Alliance Guy's all, still staring. I'm still staring. God, the pores in Ron Rifkin's nose are HUGE. Staring. And I think there's a moment here where Sloane basically tells the Head Alliance Guy that they can kill Emily only if he's granted membership to the Alliance as a full partner. Like, when he said that thing about what he would or wouldn't do? I think he was basically saying, "Hey, man. I could totally fight you on this wife-killing thing but, like, I really want the corner office and the company car so, uh, bring on the perks and I'll let you nail her without complaint. Cool? Cool." At least, that's what it seems like to me. And then Head Alliance Guy's all, right on. We were gonna make you a partner anyway, dude. But, uh, you do realize that this offer's only good if you take care of your little "problem." Now it's Sloane's turn to stare. And we're staring. Aaaaaaand we're staring.
Syd drives onto a dock, and we jump cut directly to a shot of her zipping up the scuba suit. There is a momentary shot of torso and black bra which, if I know this audience at all, and I think I do, has probably been transferred to digital, cut and re-cut so that there's only that shot over and over and over again, and put up for auction on eBay.
Syd gears up and checks her watch. A little under twenty minutes. She hits the water. Dixon, who's been hanging out elsewhere on the dock watching Syd's every move, adjusts his rearview and sees Syd slip beneath the surface.
Whoops.
After the break and a visit to the place we like to call Grand Theft Auto 3, Julio props me back up in front of my computer with a steaming cup of TheraFlu and a box of Kleenex so huge it could easily house a Third World country. I'm ready. Bring on the scuba.
Syd's swimming. And she's swimming. And then she's blowtorching. And then she's pulling off a sewage grate. Speaking of sewage grates, Vaughn's getting shit dumped all over him in a meeting with Devlin, Agent Sean, and The Weasel. Vaughn's all, why the hell am I here? Why is any of us here, Agent Apathy? Why do we exist? Why is the sky blue? What if we were all purple and had plaid hair? Mmmm…TheraFlu…