Episode Report Card Jacob Clifton: A+ | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Weak Adults & Corrupt Children
By Jacob Clifton | Season 2 | Episode 18 | Aired on 01.30.2012
Actually, what they say in reality is so much goddamn worse, you should hear it.
Aria: "I've been 'burned' before."
Ezra: "I thought you said your mom was 'warming' to the idea of us being a couple."
Aria: "She's... 'Thawing'."
Ezra: "And your dad?"
Aria: "How fast do glaciers 'melt'?"
Ezra: "Not very. That's why they call it the 'Ice' Age."*
Aria: "Well, you know what that means. It just means we have to generate more 'heat'!"
I mean, they are just the very worst. Aren't they? Do people take these assholes seriously? Are there people on this big blue marble that can sit through that and not snort their beverage immediately?
*(Jacob: "The fuck? What the fuck does that even mean, bro?")
MARIN
Ashley: "First of all, why aren't you with my friends? It's well past drinkin' time."
Hanna: "No idea. It's kind of annoying, how they're all isolating me, but also reminds me of how life used to be, so I'm kind of resigned to it."
Ashley: "Well, whatever. The second thing I wanted to talk to you about is how you're not allowed to throw up on your sister anymore."
Hanna: "Mom, she is a bitch. I am not being emotional or overstating the case when I look you very rationally in the eye and tell you that girl, that Kate? She is a stone cold bitch. If the ghost don't kill me, that girl is going to do it."
Ashley: "Well, be that as it may, Betty Buckley isn't around to save your ass, and the fact is that fighting with Kate will make us look trashy. She rides horses and that kind of shit, while you and I live in a halfway house for ethnic curiosities and hide our money in pasta. That's not the kind of comparison you want happening in public."
Hanna: "Does that mean you're not going to beat Isabel's ass if we run into her on Rosewood's one street or in its single restaurant?"
Ashley: "Hanna, Mommy needs a drink. Just don't embarrass yourself, okay?"
POST-DATE
Aria is late coming back -- from her thermogenic activities with Ezra, which apparently went into overtime, which barf -- but not so late that Byron notices. Just Holden. Holden, who is doing mysteries of his own in Philadelphia -- which apparently is not so very far away from Rosewood that your dad wouldn't bitch about bringing you into the city three-plus times a week -- and now wants to collectively imagine, out of Byron's hearing, the meal they might have had together, had they gone on the date. So that takes a while, and then Aria cracks a joke about how Byron's on a low-cholesterol diet, and obsessed with their feeding habits, and then his first question is what they had for dinner, and the only reason I bothered telling you about all of that is that Holden made a cute face when that happened, like a dog that's heard a sound it doesn't recognize. That's why.