Episode Report Card Jacob Clifton: A+ | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Weak Adults & Corrupt Children
By Jacob Clifton | Season 2 | Episode 18 | Aired on 01.30.2012
FAKE DATE
Holden and Aria try to split up for their real dates but then it turns out that Ezra is going to a faculty thing we'll see a bit later, so she just brought some magazines to read so that she wouldn't let Holden down... But, hilariously, Holden's mystery date also is not happening, so now they're stuck at this pizza parlor until eleven o'clock holding the bag for each other. Some utterly charmless dialogue ensues, and they play air hockey.
GRILLE
Emily: "One of the many ways, Mother, in which Maya is horrible is that she has joined her high school's Jazz band!"
Pam: "I briefly flirted with having that personality before. I was really into Miles Davis."
Emily: "So wait, are we black now?"
Pam: "I worshipped that man!"
Maya: "Really?"
Pam: "No, that would break a commandment! It's just a figure of speech."
Maya: "I guess I just figured you'd be into something like classical music. You know, because of how sophisticated you are. Lots of barefoot and pregnant ladies who can't exist outside the home, I feel, are really sophisticated in that way."
Pam: "First of all, Jazz is sophisticated..."
Maya: "Yeah, but they also smoke doobies. You know, like the one you used to blackmail my parents into kidnapping me and sending me to Gay Bible Camp."
Pam: "Yeah, this is going swell."
(Maya gets a text from her ex. An ex-text.)
Maya: "Sorry, just my stalker!"
Pam: "Oh my God, do you need my help? Have you told an adult?"
Maya: "Just a figure of speech, because I'm annoying and you're old-fashioned enough to be alarmed by that. But now that you mention it, it's a boy I fucked at True North. You know, the Gay Bible Camp for Druggies that you engineered me being kidnapped to."
Emily: "First I'm gonna back up the U-Haul and then I'm gonna..."
Maya: "...And yes, I did say 'boy.' What with you being so progressive and willing to explore these issues, I'm sure you have no problem thinking about the concept that a woman's sexuality is a moving target, right? Or your daughter having sex with me?"
Pam: "It's like you exist just to hurt my feelings."
MOVIE NIGHT
Spencer: "What movie do you want to watch? Since I'm taking the night off being Kolchak the Night Stalker long enough to babysit you, it's your pick. Do not say The Notebook."
Hanna: "Ooh! The Notebook!"
Spencer: "...Cool. Put it in. Mostly I'm just happy to see you."
Hanna: "So we're back to being friends?"
Spencer: "There was no point at which."
Hanna: "Good, because between my boyfriend trouble and my stepsister wanting me dead -- and also that ghost who is trying to humiliate us to death, and the conspiracy of people covering up our friend's murder -- I was starting to stress out a little."