Episode Report Card Jacob Clifton: A+ | 168 USERS: B+ YOU GRADE IT Variations on Solitaire
By Jacob Clifton | Season 3 | Episode 3 | Aired on 2012.06.19
CHEATER CLUB
Emily: "I think I may be getting punk'd by grading."
Ella: "No, it's fine."
Emily: "But I didn't do that test and then got a 94 anyways."
Ella: "Don't stress about it."
Emily: "No, I don't think you..."
Ella: "-- EMILY. LOOK ME IN THE EYE. IT'S FINE."
Emily: "Ah. Hmm. Okay, so it's not a ghost ninja, just an adult misusing her authority on my behalf. I get that? And yet I'm still bothered. You may not have noticed -- nobody ever does no matter how many times I come out and say it -- but I am totally hardcore these days."
Ella: "Me too, girlfriend. Me too."
HASTINGS
Melissa: "Hey, Spencer. I'm randomly here."
Spencer: "Hey, I'm actually happy to see you. Let's start a stopwatch and see how long it takes before you completely..."
Veronica: "My daughter Melissa! And Melissa's sister, my other daughter! I just wanted you to know I'm Garrett's lawyer now. For reasons."
They talk for a while about how defense law is a thing that exists, but Spencer is not having that shit. Anybody else it would be a whole thing to discuss, but it's Spencer: The Platonic Ideal of what a DA should be like. No sense even trying to explain what a defense attorney is called upon to do.
Veronica, verbatim: "He convinced me of his lack of guilt as pertains to the charges."
Spencer: "But I don't understand how criminal law works! Shouldn't we just hate him?"
Veronica: "We can hate him and still deliberate whether he's guilty of the charges before the court. Plus, as I said, other reasons."
Spencer: "He killed my best friend! He killed my other best friend's girlfriend!"
Veronica: "Nah, he didn't."
Spencer: "Melissa! Surely you have a dog in this fight."
Melissa: "Whatever would make you feel safe and supported, just assume I'm going the other way. And in case you feel like bugging me about that, I'll remind you I feel totally comfortable playing the miscarriage martyr card at any time, no matter how irrelevant it is to what you're saying."
CHEATER DEBRIEF
Emily: "Did you know your mom has gone crazy?"
Aria: "I'm not surprised. But I mean, it's sweet that she did that, right? She's feeling protective?"
Emily: "First of all, fucking everybody needs to quit doing that. And secondly, this is exactly the kind of shit A thrives on anyway, which means this iceberg could flip over, and then it'll be a Secret, and I'll get pain creamed once again."
Aria: "I am so tired of A! This past five minutes has been a nightmare."
Emily: "SHUT UP, ARIA. GOD."
Aria: "I just don't know how you guys put up with it for so long. I started getting panic attacks on Day One."