Episode Report Card Miss Alli: A | 417 USERS: C+ YOU GRADE IT Again with the racing
By Miss Alli | Season 4 | Episode 1 | Aired on 2003.05.29
Debra and Steve are married parents from Indiana. Now, wait. That is three Steves. What is this, a damn Dr. Seuss book? Anyway, Debra and IndianaSteve are what we might refer to as "plus-sized," but I would point out that Debra, in particular, isn't as "plus" in body as she looks in the face. They tell us that they're "fat, forty, and fun." And functionally alliterate! IndianaSteve tells us that they won't be able to get ahead physically, so they'll have to get ahead mentally. It's good to know your strengths. Come to think of it, it's a shame that teams rarely have the self-awareness to say, "It's a good thing we run fast, because we are as dumb as a can of creamed corn."
Jon and Al are clowns. No, really. They're literally clowns. Oh, and also? Yes, that's two Jons. Sigh. (Likelihood that a guy on The Amazing Race 4 is named David, Steve, or Jon: 46.7 percent.) ClownJon (as opposed to BuffJon) is, as it turns out, a human cannonball in the Barnum & Bailey circus. Look, there he is, getting shot out of a cannon and landing in a net. We see them clowning with their clown makeup, actually doing that thing where one of them whaps the other one with a powder puff. Clown clown clown. You just can't stop saying it, really. Clown! Also, they juggle! That'll come in handy!
The teams stroll onto what looks like shallow centerfield as Phil gives his usual speech about who among these people will prove to have the necessary "brains, brawn, and teamwork" to win. "These are the questions waiting to be answered as we get ready to begin..." Phil pauses to let you observe his suave hosting skills. "The Amazing Race." With that, Phil walks over toward the edge of the building he's standing on. Phil, don't do it! You have so much to live for! Fortunately, Phil does not jump. That was almost a really sad and abrupt ending there. I really don't want the first Roadblock to involve helping wash Phil off the sidewalk.