Episode Report Card Miss Alli: A | 417 USERS: C+ YOU GRADE IT Again with the racing
By Miss Alli | Season 4 | Episode 1 | Aired on 2003.05.29
Tian and Jaree are those two loud girls you met that time at that party and then the whole way home, you and your friends were trying to figure out who invited them, since they only talked to each other. They're both models and, as Phil tells us, "thrill-seekers." Hey, you know what's thrilling? Chicks with pistols! Right on cue, we cut to them on a shooting range. Frankly, given the purpose to which they're putting this footage, I'm surprised they don't show them licking the barrels. The girls tell us that they're "not like regular chicks" because they're "feminine" but they're "adrenaline junkies." Wow, I'm always so grateful to be educated about what ordinary women are like by women who are too cool to be part of that mundane category. They then Heave out their tired philosophy that it's easier to be a girl, because you can always just ask people for stuff. "Thank God we're good-lookin'," Jaree tells us. Yeah. Given their rather motley collection of skills, I'm not too surprised to hear that they rely fairly heavily on that one. Also? Like most women who tell you how good-looking they are, they're not nearly as good-looking as they think.
Steve and Dave are friends and Chicago air traffic controllers. In their intro shot, they turn away from the air traffic control screens they're tending to smile at the cameras. Of course, in the time it took to get that shot, a plane erroneously landed on Interstate 94 and took out a Volvo, a Beetle, and an ice cream truck, but no matter. Dave tells us that they're a couple of old fat guys, so other teams won't view them as a significant threat. Steve says that they hope to run the entire race without breaking a sweat. Apparently, they will be skipping all the parts with walking or running or anything like that. I sure hope they packed their inflatable wind-up golf cart.
Reichen and Chip are your designated eye candy, and they're married. As Chip explains it, they solemnized their marriage just like any other couple would, though he says "cemented our relationship." I've actually always said that Mr. and Mr. Tall and Beautiful had the most traditional wedding of any of my friends, aside from the fact that they're both guys. Hell, I even caught the bouquet. (Which actually was underwear, but that's not the point.) Reichen is very pretty, but he has that shiny, waxy, sculpted thing happening that makes me unsure whether to admire him or prop him up in the backyard garden and have him made into a fountain. He says he's motivated by a "personal vendetta" created by years of being treated like he was inadequate because he's gay, which sounds like a rather bizarre motivator to me, but on the other hand, I'm all about being driven by bitterness and resentment. I don't know about the matching fleece vests they're wearing, though. That spells trouble.