Episode Report Card Miss Alli: A | 417 USERS: C+ YOU GRADE IT Again with the racing
By Miss Alli | Season 4 | Episode 1 | Aired on 2003.05.29
Ah, Millie and Chuck. Now, what the show will emphasize to you is that Millie and Chuck are in their late twenties and are virgins. Virgins! I guess we know which team will be best suited for that Hurl Yourself Into A Volcano Detour. In case you fail to see their innocence shining through like a beacon of righteousness, they are shown riding a carousel. Oh, those virgins and their childlike entertainments! I swear, the show could not lay this on any thicker with a trowel. What I find strange, actually, isn't that they're virgins -- it's that they've been "dating" for twelve years, and he says he's "scared of commitment." Who "dates" for twelve years and is still thinking about whether he wants to commit or not? What kinds of dates are you going on after twelve years? I mean, this is the year of X2; these people have been dating since Don't Tell Mom The Babysitter's Dead. She says that if he doesn't propose soon, she's going to bail. Well, sure, because dating a guy for thirteen years would just be weird.
Steve and Josh are father and son. Wait a minute, didn't we have a Steve already? We did! Wow, harsh. Anyway, DadSteve is a corrections officer. Josh, on the other hand, is a reminder that you should always read care labels, because Elvis Costello is clearly marked dry clean only, and if you put him in the dryer, this is what happens. DadSteve tells us that they've always felt they didn't spend enough time together. Josh says that his dad ran a boot camp for felons. Oh, and Josh wears cropped camouflage pants with his red bowling-style shirt. Wow, aren't we just the bad boy of 1997. Josh: Rebel Without A Calendar.
Russell and Cindy are -- wait a minute, didn't we have a Russell and Cyndi before? We did! What kind of games are they playing here, anyway? This Russell and Cindy are friends, and she seems to think they might be dating, and he seems not to. Hmm, I think that works out to "not." Furthermore, there's something about her that strikes me as very chilly. And wow, look at those white teeth! She could be Blake's lost sister. Well -- aunt, I guess. Or else Blake made those teeth in his basement and sold them to her via direct mail solicitation. Anyway, she says she loves and adores Russell. He says he doesn't want a relationship. I smell one of those non-romance romances like Flo and Zach, where they try to make the casting people think there's the potential for a sex outbreak. Because what could be a better romantic motivator for people who have thus far not been able to get the engine running than a month without showering or doing your laundry? Mmm, crusty socks. Sexy!