Episode Report Card Deborah: A | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Maternal Instincts
By Deborah | Season 1 | Episode 5 | Aired on 10.23.2003
Joan and Luke are walking to school. She's wearing one of her twenty-foot-long Dr. Who-esque scarves and an extremely bored expression. Luke is the current reason for the bored expression, as he's prattling on about algorithmic mathematics versus dialectical mathematics, recounting some argument he had with some kid named Friedman. When he finally pauses, Joan just stares at him and says, "You are never, ever gonna get a girlfriend." Luke replies, "No, no, that's not the point. The point is, I'm right about algorithmic mathematics." Joan: "Greeeat...so ask Isaac Newton to the prom." Heh. Luke: "Sure, if he was a girl...and alive." Joan: "You know, he actually looked a lot like a girl." Luke: "Hey, hey. Don't bag on The Newt." This is bringing back memories of my high school days, when one of the science teachers held an Isaac Newton Day every year, complete with a cake with a picture of a guy with an apple falling on his head on it and various other festivities I've mostly managed to blot from my memory, though I think there were ceremonial re-enactments of Newtonian experiments. Why do I know this, when I dropped science after ninth grade? Well, I had homeroom in science classrooms at least two different years. Also, my only boyfriends in high school tended to be geeks. Oh, and I was yearbook editor, and we had to put pictures of Newton Day in there. More explanation than you needed.
They're walking past a woman with a blonde bouffant bubble 'do that makes her look like she could be Didi Glitz's mother. She's trying to duct-tape a yard sale sign to a tree trunk. First of all, um, no. Don't put duct tape on tree trunks. Do not put yard sale signs on living things; I don't care if it's a maple or the neighbour's ferret. She calls out to Joan and Luke, asking for help. They keep walking -- Luke's lost in his homework -- but Joan looks over her shoulder as the woman carps, "Don't make me shriek." Joan walks back to help her, and as she puts her hand on the poster, advertising a yard sale at 2320 Euclid Avenue. Hee, Euclid. Math. Get it? Joan's all, "What is that? That's my address!" Bouffant Lady says, "Then you must be having a yard sale on Saturday!" Joan recognizes who it is and tells Luke to go without her: "Yell if the bus comes." Luke looks puzzled. Joan dismisses him with a sarcastic little wave: "Bye!" Luke just leaves. Joan turns to Bouffant God and says, "That was close! Why didn't he see you?" Bouffant God says, "He did. Just didn't notice me. That happens a lot." Hee. Maybe that guy in the cubicle next to yours, the guy who's always obsessively pulling his shirt out and retucking it, is God. Scoff if you like. It's not my eternal soul. Bouffant God wants to discuss the yard sale. Joan sneers, "Oh, yeah, like pulling out all your embarrassing stuff out of the garage and putting it on the front lawn for your neighbours to ponder?" Bouffant God confirms this cheerfully. Joan brings up her compliance on the boat issue. Bouffant God says, "Half a boat...and you saw why I wanted it!" Joan says she's not saying it wasn't cool, but whines about all the things she has to do along with being in school and trying to do better and maybe, possibly, eventually having a personal life and getting a boyfriend: "Do you understand the concept of time management?" I'd say anyone who can create heaven and earth in six days probably has a pretty good grasp, yeah. Bouffant God says she doesn't care much about time: "That's one of your innovations. But here's what I'm wondering, Joan: when are you going to get it? That whenever I ask you to do something, it's for your best interest." Joan replies, "The point is, I can-not have a yard sale on Saturday." Bouffant God hands her the duct tape and says, "Then don't have a yard sale on Saturday." She walks off. Joan calls out after her, "This is gonna get old real soon!" She turns around and pounds the sign a bit. You know, after that first episode, it doesn't seem that Joan has many doubts anymore that this is really God talking to her, or still wonders if she's going crazy. She just seems to have totally accepted it. I think, even though I'm sure I'm more of a believer than Joan was to begin with, that I'd be struggling with it some more.
It's all blue and grey, so it's police scene time. Will arrives at work, and his assistant reminds him that he's agreed to an interview with the Arcadia Herald that night at his house. Before he can get into it much more, Daghlian interrupts and Will greets him, "Good morning, Michael." I think that's the first time Will's called him that. Daghlian calls his attention to the "distraught woman" sitting near his desk, and explains that she is the victim in a rape case he worked on four months ago before he was transferred to Homicide. She met a guy at a party who took her home, beat her up, and raped her. She was found downtown, walking around dazed and confused. The person thought she was on something and called the cops. And they breathalyzed her. Will, immediately pissed: "Breathalyzed a rape victim?" Daghlian says they didn't know she'd been raped, and they determined she had been drinking but wasn't drunk. When they brought her to the station, Daghlian took the case and made an arrest: "Yeah, DNA checked out. Guy made bail. Everybody's just waiting on the trial." Daghlian tells Will that she's tired of waiting for the trial, and that her name is Sara Bonner. Will walks over and introduces himself. She says she doesn't like to make trouble, but she calls the DA's office every other week and she never gets a straight answer. Will says he appreciates her frustration, but that the case probably just hasn't made it to the DA's desk yet. Sara replies, "The man who did this to me is a monster. Why is this low down on somebody's priority list?" Will says gently, "I genuinely don't believe it is. If your case is backed up, it's because this kind of thing happens far too frequently." Daghlian tries to explain that it's no longer a police matter, once their report is in the hands of the DA's office. Sara says, "You know, I don't care about that. I just want something to happen, and I'm not gonna shut up until it does." Will promises to look into it with the DA. She stands up, realizing she's not going to get much more than that, and Will says, "I'm...very sorry about what happened to you." Sara says, "You just make sure twelve people are equally sorry -- then I'll be impressed."