Episode Report Card Deborah: A | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Maternal Instincts
By Deborah | Season 1 | Episode 5 | Aired on 10.23.2003
Joan wanders into the hall, past a guy whose demeanor sort of reminds me of Eldon from Murphy Brown. Standing in front of some vending machines, he asks, "What's your pleasure, little lady?" She says she's not hungry and keeps walking. He says, "Aren't you busy on Saturday?" She stops and turns around to ask, "Did it ever occur to you that I get to have a love life?" Vending Machine God replies, "Ah, romantic love. I'm proud of that. Some of my best work." And some of the worst. J. Lo, I'm looking at you. Joan laughs politely, sighs, and says, "Look, I'm trying, all right? And I'm not a try-er, okay? Ask anyone. This guy is a cool guy. He's not a geek, he's not a stoner, he's not a jerk." Well, let's not get ahead of ourselves. "He's just a really nice guy that likes me, and you wanna talk about mysteries of the universe? That's a big one. And I'd like a shot at it, if you don't mind!" Vending Machine God says, "Sure." She thanks him with a prayerful gesture and walks away. He says, "But aren't you busy on Saturday?"
Will arrives home to find Helen in the kitchen, with colourful crap from the garage all over every surface. Will figures he missed dinner. She says she ordered Chinese and expects it any minute, and that Kevin's working late: "I love saying that." Will: "Why is my past on the kitchen table?" Helen explains that Joan's having a yard sale and she got sucked into it: "Don't ask me why, 'cause I don't know." He's alarmed: "My Joe Namath grill?" Helen: "Will! Don't start taking stuff back. Besides, we have a George Foreman grill now. It's better." Hee. Will asks, "What is it with Joan, anyway?" Except at first I thought he said, "What is it with Joe, anyway?" I thought we'd get to hear about Joe Namath. I always liked him more than any other football player just because of that pantyhose thing. Even though I hate the word "pantyhose" -- it makes my skin crawl.
Helen says, "Beats me...we never talk anymore." Come on, she's sixteen. Didn't that start about three or four years ago? Will can see Helen's upset about something, and she tells him, "She found my paintings. I asked you to get rid of them when we moved here." Will says quietly that he couldn't. Helen: "I asked you to!" Will replies, "Maybe this gives you an opportunity to...talk to her about what happened." Helen: "No!" Will thinks she needs to know: "You always said you'd tell her when she was old enough." Helen pulls on a sweater and says, "I changed my mind." She sits down at the table. "'Joan: a man crawled into my dorm room at college and raped me and he never got caught.' How's that gonna help her?" Will just looks down. Helen: "She knows about sex. I've lectured her about being safe. Knowing what happened to me doesn't do anything except put pictures in her mind that she doesn't need to have. My God, she -- she hasn't even fallen in love yet." Will suggests, "It could help her to understand you." Helen: "Why would I want her to understand that part?" Will: "You feel she keeps things from you..." Helen: "Will. This is my call." Will just nods slightly. I guess now we know why Helen dropped out of school.