Episode Report Card Deborah: A | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Maternal Instincts
By Deborah | Season 1 | Episode 5 | Aired on 10.23.2003
Rebecca and Andy (Fashionista, wearing a really ugly shirt) are arguing about something on his computer screen. He says she needs the whole thing; she doesn't like it: "It looks exactly the same." Andy: "The top is taupe and the bottom's mushroom. It's totally different." So, what, she's an art director now, too? Kevin wheels past -- I guess he decided to come back after all -- and stops to say, "Uh, a hoodie is a sweat jacket with a hood -- applies to a zip-up or a pullover. A poncho is a triangular piece of knitted fabric with a hole in the middle, currently experiencing a comeback. If you'll excuse me, I have work to do." I think that's a pretty skewed definition of a poncho, but whatever. He sorta showed them.
Another day, another twenty-foot scarf. Joan runs into Clay and he says, "Well, that's the smile of the century." Joan points out she's not smiling. Clay thinks he'd better take care of that, and tries to lean toward her to kiss her. She turns her face slightly and says, "Give it back." He doesn't say anything at first, so she adds, "My dad's badge." About five different reactions pass quickly across his face, and you can tell at least one of them goes along with the idea of lying about it, before he says, "Look, it was just sitting there on the kitchen counter, screaming 'golden opportunity' at me." She's not appeased. He adds, "J.G., relax! It's not the Holy Grail. They hand these things out like candy. They just stamp 'em out at the warehouse." Huh? Even if that were true, that's what they do with hood ornaments, but stealing one is still a crime. Clay "guarantees" her dad's gotten his replaced already. Yeah, it's just like dropping a fork at a restaurant. And impersonating an officer, that's definitely not a crime either. Joan says it's just not that funny. Clay says she's not going to get in trouble. How the hell would he know? Boy, I would like to give this kid such a clop in the chops. Joan says, "It's not about trouble. You have my dad's police badge, and I want it back." Clay: "Or you're going to have to tell your daddy?" Joan just looks at him uncomfortably until he hands it over. Clay informs her, "You have potential, but you're kind of a drip, you know?" Joan just looks sad, and he finally leaves. Good riddance to bad rubbish.
Joan's riding the bus home with a bunch of other slobs when an older businessman sits down next to her and prattles about the Dow and Wall Street. It's HITG! David Doty. Right away, I figure it's God. Joan obviously thinks so, too, because she snippily informs the man that she's not in the mood. He doesn't say anything. She says she did the right thing and got her father's badge back, and figured out Clay's a jerk: "Now I'm back to being a loser, like the universe intended." The guy doesn't say anything or react much, so I think, "Wait, this is going to be one of those times when she thinks it's God but it's really just some schmo, and totally embarrasses herself." Then he finally says, "You should be nicer to your mother." So it is God. Excellent fake-out. Joan complains that her mother's against her having a life. Businessman God: "She's against you getting hurt. She knows something about that." Joan wonders if this is about those paintings. Businessman God asks, "Where do you think that kind of thing comes from in a person?" Joan: "A mood." Businessman God: "You have a mood, you eat French fries. But when you have pain, there's a little more work to deal with it." Joan thinks out loud: "She had to have done those before she had Kevin." Businessman God: "Before your father, even." Joan asks, "What happened to her?" Businessman God looks away. Man, you know it's bad if God won't make eye contact. Joan wonders if that's why her mother is "so weird" about Joan dating. He still says nothing. "How bad was it?" Businessman God replies, "It was evil...and I don't throw that word around." They're at his stop, and he gets off and leaves. Joan calls out, "Wait, you can't leave...what happened to my mother?" She starts shouting: "Wait, come back here! You have to tell me! God! God!" People are turning to stare at her.
Helen's on the couch reading by a fire when Will comes in with a drink and asks if she minds some company. There are some vases on the table in the background that I really like, especially the tallest one. I suppose they'll come out with a soundtrack CD for the show, but frankly, while I do like a lot of the music, I'd rather have the set designers' Rolodexes. Will sits down next to her and tells her he found his badge on his nightstand: "Did you put it there?" She says she didn't. Will: "Then I have bad news: you're married to an old fart." Helen laughs: "But he's an amazing old fart." He asks if she and Joan have made up. Helen replies, "You were at dinner. What do you think?" He takes a sip of his drink, and she asks if everything's okay. He tells her he had to fire Daghlian over a procedural issue: "I'll be feeling that for a while. He won't be easy to replace." Helen: "I'm sorry. You liked him." Will hesitates for a few moments before saying, "I've been working on a rape case." Helen pauses almost as long before replying, "I know." He wonders how she knows. Helen: "Because whenever you're working on a rape case, you get very quiet, and you stop talking about your work...and you grind your teeth in your sleep." Will explains that there were problems in Daghlian's report, and he could have looked the other way, but didn't. Helen softly says that that's good: "We talked about this before. You can't fix what happened to me. No matter how many rapists you put away. You just make sure I'm married to an honest man." She smiles. I get the feeling Helen covers up piles of pain with all that smiling. Even though it happened before he knew her, I wonder if Will chose his career because of what happened to her. I wonder if perhaps he put aside the athletic life Kevin accuses him of living through his oldest son, for reasons Kevin couldn't imagine. Will slides to one knee on the floor, and takes her hand, asking, "When was the last time I did this?" She smiles and says it was 1981, when he proposed to her at Carmine's Restaurant. He caresses her hand and says, "I need you to tell her." Helen's smile fades. He continues, "I don't know why, but...I really need it, Helen. Maybe because I'm so afraid of her not knowing how close it is to her...all of the time." Helen looks troubled. He's nearly in tears -- and he's not the only one -- when he begs, "Please do this for me." Helen softens and puts her hand on his face. He kisses her hands. Lovely scene between the two of them. The chemistry is really coming along, and I'm buying them as a couple much more. My only tiny quibble is -- with all this in their history, shouldn't they both have been much more freaked out than they were by the "pervert" in the yard and the attack on Joan in the first episode?