Episode Report Card Deborah: A | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Maternal Instincts
By Deborah | Season 1 | Episode 5 | Aired on 10.23.2003
Kevin's working late, and Rebecca comes along and tells him he should go home. Kevin says tersely that he's not finished. Rebecca says he did pretty well today: "You may have a future in this." He doesn't say anything. She grabs the pencil out of his hand and says, "Come on! It's Friday night. Go have some fun." He grabs another pencil from his big jar and says, "I really want to finish." Rebecca asks why. Frink: "Because I'm not coming back on Monday." Kevin: "Because I'm not coming back on Monday." Rebecca asks why. Kevin replies, "Let's just say it's a gimp thing." Rebecca figures it out and says, "Andy is a pissy queen." This line really bugged me. What's his orientation got to do with anything? He gets more slack to insult people because he's queer? She could have said something like, "Oh, he thinks he's Carson Kressley." Except not enough people probably know who Carson is yet for that to work. Kevin replies, "Oh, good, we've all got nicknames. What's yours?" Rebecca: "Affirmative-Action Figure. When I first started as copy editor, I heard it in the hallways. I cried every night. But in here, I was all business. And I made sure I was indispensable." Kevin: "What a heart-warming story. I'll be sure to tell all my crip pals." Rebecca says, "You know what your problem is?" He says, "I'll bet it's my pride." Rebecca cuts loose: "You still identify with who you used to be: able-bodied, handsome, white man in America -- everything was coming your way. Well, now it's gonna be a little bit of a struggle. You're going to have to pick your battles." You can tell no one's ever spoken to him this way. He tells her, "Go to hell." She's a little taken aback, but finally says, "One day you're going to remember me...as maybe the first person who refused to pity you."
Yard sale. Joan sells a pair of electric scissors. Luke comes over to nag her not to bargain on the geodes: "They're worth, like, five times that much already!" I can't believe he's letting them go. Just cram 'em in your room somewhere. I love a good geode. I think I see an amethyst one on the table -- those are my favourite. I used to collect rocks when I little, and I still have them all. Should probably sell them on eBay or something, but I can't bring myself to part with them. Luke tries to grab one and Joan intercepts him, warning, "Hey! No take-backs!" Luke takes off, complaining, "I can't stand to watch this!" Helen nags a customer groping through a pink jewellery box to be careful: "Some of this actually belonged to my grandmother." ["Well, then don't sell it. The hell? It's like 'Enid's Sale In Ghost World, Part Two.'" -- Sars] The woman dumps it all, annoyed, and leaves. Joan comes over to reprimand her, and Helen says it makes her cranky to see people pawing through her stuff. Joan: "Then don't help, okay?" Will comes out of the house and announces that he's going to the gym, unless he's needed at the sale. I can't believe he isn't out there pulling his 9 mm on every other customer: "All right, just drop the FlowBee and nobody gets hurt!" Joan quickly replies, "No, no, no...please go..." She stage-whispers, "And take Mom!" Will: "Hey, is that my weed-whacker?" Helen says he never uses it. Will says he was going to. Joan whines, "Dad, come on! No take-backs!"
Clay arrives, asking, "Did I miss out on all the vinyl?" Helen: "My word, it's Clay Fisher." Joan introduces her father and directs him to the "music selection." Helen remarks amiably, "I'd keep an eye on this one." Clay says, "Mrs. G., I don't boost for my own gain. Only when there's a laugh to be had, or I'm helping people, yo." Whatever, Davy. Helen: "Yeah, yeah." It's like she knows he's full of it but inexplicably doesn't care. He picks up an album and says, "Bobby Darin! Get out!" Will hears this and looks up. Clay: "I'll take this off your hands!" Will says, "Wait..." Helen: "Now, we don't have a turntable anymore!" What sort of freak doesn't have a turntable? Yeah, yeah, I know: most of you. Well, you can take the CDs I've been forced to buy when no other format is available, and I'll keep my vinyl. Sometimes you need to hear real music, not sonic Cheez-Whiz (tm Daniel Richler, I think). Clay: "Uriah Heep! Mott the Hoople!" Actually, I was thinking Will might have gotten into Grand Funk Railroad. Will complains, "She's selling my youth!" Helen: "Go to the gym!" Will comes over to Joan and Clay as she begs, "Dad, please don't, please..." He puts his arm around Clay and says, "Son, I realize these are for sale, but do an old boomer a favour here, huh?" Clay says he'll give him twice the asking price. Joan: "Mom!" Helen: "Will..." Will: "These are my records, Helen! The soundtrack of my life." Clay decides to extract himself from this little family squabble and use the bathroom. Joan directs him.