Episode Report Card Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT The Phantom Of The Maggot Neck Is Here
By Demian | Season 8 | Episode 6 | Aired on 10.29.2005
...the Closing Travelogue, which eventually escorts us over to Vex Pexter's physically impossible garret, and GOODBYE, VEX. No, seriously. JUST GO. Phoebe arrives and admits she thought she was pregnant for all of five minutes, and the two decide "to take things slow." Which will translate into Phoebe tossing off a throwaway line next week about Vex moving to Seattle. Joy. Is it over? Oh, thank God.
Back at the Manor, Raige and Piper answer the ringing doorbell to find a passel of demanding brats on the front porch, and for the first time this episode, not one of them has a press pass. Piper and Raige faux-marvel over the ankle-biters' costumes for a bit before Raige allows the little monsters to take as much candy as they want. Piper, by the way, is wearing The Psycho's mouse ears from two weeks ago with accompanying eyeliner whiskers around the blackened tip of her nose, while Raige sports a furry halo above her head with a bright red spot of rouge on each cheek. Easily swiping the award for best costume, however, is New And Supposedly Improved Tiny Gay Chris, who's swimming in a star-spangled, midnight blue velvet wizard outfit with matching conical cap. Tiny Gay Chris only gets more adorable when Piper, returning to the parlor after dispatching with the foul little beasts on the front porch, removes his cap to reveal he's got a chronic case of Static Hair. Awwwwww. I still much prefer the big gay version, though. Anyway, Piper and Raige collapse onto the sofa to process through the various Issues Of The Week, and it's all so terribly boring, what with Piper's ridiculous and suddenly appearing marital difficulties and Raige's idiotic solution to the reporter problem that nevertheless worked, but most especially with The Retarded Bimbo's sister issues. Yawn. And why aren't we fading to black already? They're not really going to end the episode with The Retard in question, are they?
Damn their black hearts. Over in her dorm room, The Retarded Bimbo, face still marred from her earlier run-in with The Phantom Of The Crappy Subplot, gazes silently at a framed photo of herself with her sister in happier times, and I so do not care about either of them. I will note, however, that Kaley Cuoco looks far better with her hair pulled back from her face, though with the excessive eye makeup she's sporting in this scene, she bears an eerie resemblance to the dear departed Adriana from The Sopranos. I'm not entirely certain, but I'm pretty sure that's not much of a compliment. As the camera pulls away from The Retard's troubled face, we finally fade to black.