Episode Report Card Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT The Phantom Of The Maggot Neck Is Here
By Demian | Season 8 | Episode 6 | Aired on 10.29.2005
Eh, whatev. As The Phantom Of The Crappy Subplot blathers on and on in the library, the camera cuts over to The Retarded Bimbo, who's redonned her purloined demonic togs from two weeks ago for another jaunt over to Not!warts. "Who are you?" a guard demands as she wiggles her oddly proportioned body down the outer hall past Snidely's old office. "Shhh!" she lisps. "I don't want them to hear." "Hear what?" the lamebrain guard wonders. "This!" hisses The Retard as she clamps a hand over the guy's mouth and shoves an athame into his stomach. The veil of flame that erupts to engulf his body actually scorches The Retard's hand, which is something I don't think we've ever seen before. Not that we ever did need to see it, but just so you know. The Retard winces in pain for a moment before retrieving three vanquishing vials from...the pocket of her painted-on black pants? The hell? Whatever. She approaches the open library doors just in time to overhear The Phantom sneer something dismissive about his next victim. The Phantom does emphasize his point with a snapping flourish of his cape, though, and this simple action is enough to hurl The Retard into some sort of brief acid flashback: A black, Nosferatu-like shadow suddenly unfolds on the wall of a little girl's bedroom as the bedroom's French doors slam open. A gust of wind extinguishes the candle in a nearby jack-o'-lantern. The little girl's screams zap us back to The Retard's vacant, slackjawed expression, and The Retard's apparently so unsettled by the experience that she accidentally drops the vials to the hallway floor. Their subsequent clatter catches the attention of The Phantom and his minion, who hit the hallway just in time to hear The Retard's footsteps echo away in the distance, and wow. The Phantom's actually wearing nothing more ominous under that cape of his than a black turtleneck. And now that I'm getting a good look at the cape itself, in fact, it's become clear that the show's costuming budget was completely vaporized this season. It's as if they dyed a tablecloth and stapled a couple of strands of ribbon onto two of the corners so this loser could tie it around his neck. Eeesh. Anyway, The Phantom spots the vials on the floor and stretches out a hand -- a hand that's wearing the exact same rubberized claw fingers we last saw on Big Gay Chris when he fell under The Spider Woman's influence and kicked some massive Dolt ass. The Phantom flicks a little telekinetic mojo at the bottles, and they zip into his palm. Yawn.
Vex Pexter's Physically Impossible Garret, and they've finally slung Jason Lewis into a beater. What the hell took them so long? His shoulders should have gotten their own line in tonight's guest scroll. God knows I'm paying more attention to them than I am to the scene that follows: Phoebe arrives and, during the subsequent conversation, reveals that their ridiculous marriage has been annulled. The two also, shockingly enough, make passing reference to the lottery incident from the beginning of the first season. Vex finally wonders why she stopped by, and Phoebe, heaving a tremendous and shakily nervous sigh, suggests they head outside for some fresh air while she explains the reason for her visit.