Episode Report Card Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT The Phantom Of The Maggot Neck Is Here
By Demian | Season 8 | Episode 6 | Aired on 10.29.2005
After this cruel memory is seen and said,
Erase these thoughts from my heart and my head.
The Retard glows as the spell takes effect right before it hurls her into a replay of the flashback we saw earlier. Once she snaps out of it, The Retard lisps, "Time to go kick ssssome assssss!" and darts out of the frame into the first commercial break. I hope she trips and breaks her maggot neck on the stairs.
P3. Raige leads Seth Parra into the darkened nightclub and lies that he needs to back off, pronto, because the gals are still working on a case for the government. Seth calls her on her bullshit, but Raige won't let it drop, warning him that should he continue with his line of inquiry, innocent people might be hurt. "Not my responsibility," he callously shrugs. "Like Carol Flowers wasn't your responsibility?" Raige snots. He shoots her a "bitch, please" look that Raige smacks right off of his face by magically transforming herself for the briefest of moments into the pallid, reanimated corpse of the presumably long-dead hooker in question. That was actually a fairly well done effects shot. Seth's clearly rattled, but regains his composure long enough to mutter, "Screw you," before spinning around to race up the club's stairs two at a time. "You know we're never gonna talk!" Raige calls out, but he's already gone.
All The News That's Fit To Fuck Me. Phoebe, taking Piper's earlier advice, has her long-suffering non-Mary Cherry assistant halt production on the evening edition so she can alter her column to include a thinly veiled message to Vex that nobody cares about because he's gone after this episode. The scene also involves a massive amount of ass-kissing from Phoebe's assistant, so we'll be skipping ahead to the point where Seth arrives from his confrontation with Raige to accuse Phoebe of having some sort of role in what just happened. "Just so you know," he vows, "all you and your sisters just did was make things worse for you." Seth storms out of the frame as Phoebe sucks in lungfuls of air, attempting to process the news. After a moment, Phoebe regally commands her assistant to "get one of [her] sisters on the phone." Phoebe's assistant does not reply, "Dial the number yourself, you lazy hag!" because Phoebe's pathetic assistant is even more of a doormat than Darryl was, apparently. Scene.
Manor. The Dolt, aggressively sucking on a lollipop, carelessly and haphazardly dumps about fifteen bags of candy onto the dining room table before loping towards the stairs, hitting the lower landing just as The Retarded Bimbo comes flying down from above by sliding on the banister. And...that's about it, really. The Dolt's all pouty because Piper's treating him like a slave, or something, but I totally don't care about that, and The Retard's overly enthusiastic about going after The Phantom Of The Crappy Subplot because she's filled with some sort of false overconfidence due to the spell. Whatever! Scene.
We get a brief nighttime shot of the city before heading into a dank and forbidding alleyway littered with trash, and by "trash" I do indeed mean "The Retarded Bimbo." "Marco!" The Retard calls out. When she receives no response, she snots, "You're supposed to say, 'Polo.'" Not funny, Retard. Shut up. The Retard ambles through the alleyway, yelling that "Dogon" might as well uncloak himself, because she knows he's there. The Phantom Of The Crappy Subplot and his frathead henchdude eventually comply. Long story short, after some menacing threats on The Phantom's part and some aggravatingly lispy ones on The Retard's, the henchdude shouts, "Kill her!" "Not yet," The Phantom insists, raising his Chris Of The Spider Woman claw into the air. This of course whips The Retard into another goddamned flashback that involves a Freddy Krueger glove slicing through the upper mattress on the blonde girl's bunk bed before a black-clad figure flies out of the bedroom's banging French doors. By the time The Retard snaps out of it, The Phantom's flipped some more telekinetic mojo at the vanquishing vials she'd held in her hand, and they've zipped through the air into his fist. "You seem to have a little trouble holding onto these," The Phantom teases, wiggling the vials around while the henchdude smirks in the blurry background of the shot. The Retard freaks and scampers towards the alleyway's exit, but is forced face-first into the asphalt when The Phantom hurls a Flaming Ball Of Death she must dive to avoid. The Retard tosses one more frightened look at the demon before scrambling out of the frame. The Phantom and his henchdude sneer at each other before recloaking themselves by vanishing into the next commercial break. After four whole minutes of actual show since the last one. Way to go, WB.