Episode Report Card Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT The Phantom Of The Maggot Neck Is Here
By Demian | Season 8 | Episode 6 | Aired on 10.29.2005
And while I've been carrying on about the departed gentleman callers, the scene's abruptly shifted to the foyer, where Raige is allowing all of the reporters from the front porch into the Manor proper for a tour. You see, upon receiving the ever-useless Elder's advice atop the bridge, she decided her best course of action would be to show the media how dull the sisters' mortal lives actually are, and I have to admit it's a brilliant plan if only because I've been made painfully aware over the last six years just how dreadfully boring these tedious women are when left to their own devices. After exchanging a few non-witty remarks with Seth, Raige heads into the main hall to announce, "The house was built in 1898 -- we're actually the third generation to own it," and Raige, you ignorant slut. The present Manor was built in 1906 and had been occupied by Grams Of Grams, Pre-Piper, Grams, and TEETH! before you and your idiot half-sisters came along to destroy the very reason for its existence in the first place. Gaaaaaah. A visibly distraught Phoebe emerges from the kitchen at this point, so Raige excuses herself from the impromptu tour for a moment to learn that Phoebe's retaken the EPT and learned the first result was apparently a false positive, which seemingly each and every single woman on the forum boards (but really only the lovely and talented Summer16) has noted is an impossibility, because home pregnancy tests are designed in such a way as to allow for false negatives only, so once again, SHUT UP, SHOW, and I can't believe the typewriting crackmonkeys actually get paid -- and paid well, mind you -- to write this shit. God!
ANY-way, where was I? Oh, yeah: Raige returns to her tour, and the scene cuts back up to the Bridal Boudoir, where Piper eventually howls at her husband, "What would you like me to do about the fact that your life SUCKS?!" just as Raige flings open the door to achieve the maximum possible embarrassment for the bickering marrieds therein. After a few tart words with her half-sister, Raige stupidly leads her group up to the nonexistent attic without first ensuring the Book of Shadows has been stowed away. Fool. She blocks it from view with her body, however, as she points out the various bits of junk in the nonexistent room. Seth finally throws in the towel and, muttering, "Let's go -- there's no story here," at long last exits with the other journos for good. Once they've left, Raige fixes her attention on the open Book, notes the spell The Retard had apparently cast upon herself, and races into the upper stairwell while growling a few choice words to herself.