Episode Report Card Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT The Phantom Of The Maggot Neck Is Here
By Demian | Season 8 | Episode 6 | Aired on 10.29.2005
Not happening. Seth Parra, along with a teeming horde of reporters, has taken the elevator up to the hallway outside Vex's physically impossible garret, and he peppers the couple with inappropriate questions about their relationship the second they emerge through the door. Vex quietly locks himself in his garret while Phoebe splutters and gapes.
Manor Kitchen. Piper dumps something into the bubbling pot on the stove and, after the expected sparks and smoke dissipate, siphons more of what I'm assuming is her green rat potion into a vial while Phoebe blathers on endlessly about her relationship issues that no one cares about because this is Jason Lewis's last contracted episode. Pity, really, because the two actresses really play this scene well with each other, but seriously. No one cares about the guy who's permanently off the show in another forty-five minutes, right? The upshot of the entire worthless scene is that Piper suggests Phoebe contact Vex through Phoebe's dimwitted advice column, as that seems to be Phoebe's only option at the moment. Or something. I'm seriously not paying attention at all to any of this crap, so it's rather a good thing that The Retarded Bimbo arrives at this point to put a stop to it. And those are pretty much guaranteed to be the only kind words I have for The Retard tonight. Not to mention her maggoty neck. Ew.
The Retard lies about what happened at Not!warts and exits towards the stairs. Piper and Phoebe, instantly suspicious, trail along after her, wondering what gives. The Retard dodges their questions for a bit but eventually sighs and perches on the stairwell's lower landing to admit that she just froze up and accidentally left the vanquishes she had with her at Not!warts, all because The Phantom Of The Crappy Subplot tossed her into a bizarre déjà vu for some reason. She insists she's fine, but Piper and the Feebs clearly have their doubts, especially when The Retard zones out yet again when she catches sight of one of the Manor's jack-o'-lanterns at the far end of the center parlor. Piper sends The Retard upstairs to take care of the latter's singed hand, and doesn't even wait until The Retard's made it to the second floor to voice her reservations regarding The Retard's competence. Phoebe just as loudly admits they might be making a huge mistake in relying on The Retard before the two gossipy Ps retreat into the kitchen. God knows I'm no fan of The Retard, ladies, but still. Rude! The Retard has the good grace to look mortified before continuing her hike up the stairs. She eventually ends up in the nonexistent attic and hustles over to the Book of Shadows for a little abuse. The Retard flips quickly to a page entitled "To Erase Painful Memories" and, after muttering, "Here goes nothing!" to herself, reads the following spell aloud: