Episode Report Card Erin: B- | 1 USERS: B YOU GRADE IT Pssst. Lauren's evil. Pass it on.
By Erin | Season 3 | Episode 18 | Aired on 04.10.2004
Whatever, Lauren's bitching about how everyone at the CIA looks at her as if she's a guilty, lying, evil slut. She's very perceptive, this Lauren. There's more back and forth between them, and I think we're supposed to find Lauren's "poor me, my daddy's a traitor" performance so convincing that we almost feel sorry for her, but the only person I wound up feeling sorry for was Vaughn and, I gotta tell ya, I am sick and fucking tired of feeling sorry for Vaughn. Get a CLUE already! Your wife is EVIL! And this speech she gives? About thinking you know someone, and love someone, and then you find out it's all lies? That has ANVIL written clearly across it, people. The speech goes something like this: "He was my father! You have no idea what it's like to think you know someone, to love them, and then figure out it was nothing but lies." Wait, what? Who? Like your father? Like VAUGHN'S FATHER? Like YOU? Like everyone in this damn show except for Vaughn and Sydney? I just…shut up, Boren.
Berlin. But The Part Of Berlin No One Tells You About Because This Is A Dark And Secret Cyber-Goth Club Especially For Cybergoth Punks Of The Matrix Variety. "GERMAN TECHNO MUSIC PLAYING," sayeth my closed captioning. And you know? I'm inclined to believe it. We're at a cyber-goth club or something. The cyber-goths, they are a-partying. The cyber-goth waitresses, they are a-serving. And they're all wearing these Chinese-type dresses and matching black and red wigs. Syd and some guy with punked-out hair and black eyeliner stroll through the crowded dance floor. I don't know who HE is, but he looks real purdy. They move through the crowd and Syd tries out her special glasses a couple of times, coming up with nothing. "Get anything?" says Syd's date. "Not yet," says Syd and OH MY GOD IS THAT VAUGHN? What's on his lip? Is that a PIERCING? And is he wearing eyeliner? And stubble? And…I think I have to lie down.
Syd finally latches onto Cypher's network, and she and Vaughn park it on a sofa, Vaughn slumping down and putting his feet up as he chomps carelessly on a piece of gum. Oh, he is killing me with this "I'm a cyber-punk, really, LOOK AT ME" thing. Syd crosses her netted legs and sends Cypher a message. He walks over and tells them that that was a nice trick, but that he'll have to fix his firewall. Syd snots that she could still get through it. Cypher's all, uh, and you are? GothVaughn just sneers, channeling Sid Vicious, and says, "We're big fans of your work." His eyeliner is…distracting. In the good way. He goes on to say that he and GothSyd were responsible for the DDOS attack on the Syrian government's network.
They continue exchanging cyber-goth tales as, over in a corner somewhere, Evilauren collects empty ashtrays and looks extremely dangerous in her red and black wig. GothVaughn and GothSyd bring up the Covenant worm and congratulate Cypher on his work. He's all, uh, yeah, not so much. I think I gotta go. He gets up to leave, pretending to be insulted that they're crediting him with the worm code. Evilauren sees her chance and takes aim with the gun she's holding beneath her tray. Just as she's about to pull the trigger, however, GothVaughn reaches up and grabs Cypher, shoving him down onto the sofa and announcing that they're CIA. Evilauren backs off.