Episode Report Card Erin: B- | 1 USERS: B YOU GRADE IT Pssst. Lauren's evil. Pass it on.
By Erin | Season 3 | Episode 18 | Aired on 04.10.2004
Firing Range Of Clueless Cuckolds. Vaughn's taking some shots at a target. Jack walks up. Vaughn removes his headphones and protective eyewear and shows us just how to wear a white t-shirt beneath a blue oxford. Yum. Vaughn's all, yeah? I guess Sydney spoke to you, huh? Jack's all, pretty much, dude. Now, hear me out, okay? And then he launches into this HUGE speech that I am SO not recapping. Not because it isn't good or anything, but because it goes on forever and all he really says is, your wife is a double agent and you'd better watch out for her. He blah blahs about how his marriage to Irina, in spite of everything, was a happy time for him, and how it was easy being with her. But there were times, moments, when he became curious about her activities without him. Where'd she go? What'd she do? Who'd she do? You know the score. Sometimes she'd answer. And sometimes, she'd just walk over and lay some lip lovin' on him. And this made him suspicious. What if she was just evading the truth? What if…she was really in cahoots with the Covenant and Sark and killed people on a whim and stole secrets from the CIA and IF YOUR WIFE DOES THIS VAUGHN THEN SHE'S TOTALLY A DOUBLE AGENT AND YOU SHOULD TOTALLY KILL HER.
Or something like that.
Jack yammers on some more about not regretting his marriage because he has Sydney because of it, but all I can really pay attention to is how Vaughn's face is getting this twist to it that I've never actually seen before. His nostrils are racked up in the middle of his eyeballs, they're so torqued. And his mouth? You could cut a watermelon with the sharpness of that sneer. "All I'm asking is that you be responsive to the signs," says Jack. "If and when they present themselves." In other words, YOUR WIFE'S A DOUBLE AGENT AND YOU SHOULD TOTALLY KILL HER. I really don't know how much plainer he could be. Vaughn looks down at the floor, biting back his fury. I'm not being dramatic, people; he really looks like that. "You never respected me," he grits. "Never thought I was worthy of your daughter. So I'm not surprised you're so quick to think that Lauren is betraying me. But whether or not you or Sydney believe me, I know the life I'm living. And I know the woman I'm married to. Lauren is not Irina. And I. Am. Definitely. NOT. You." Vaughn grabs his gun and clip and storms off, leaving Jack to wonder whether or not he should just pick up a random gun and shoot Vaughn in the balls, just to see if he even HAS any.
Marshall's Garage Of Geekiness. Marshall and Syd are hanging out, looking at a screen with DNA strands on it. Turns out, the Covenant was looking for DNA. Specifically, the DNA of a woman. "Have they found a match?" asks Syd. Actually? They've found ten. Ten matches to one genetic code. Which is…yeah, impossible, right? Pretty much. This means that the person they're looking for uses ten different identities. They rush off to brief Dixon, passing through Oops Center as they go. Of course, they pass Moronen, who looks after them evilly, then gets up and goes directly to Marshall's office, which is…again, so incredibly stupid that I must immediately drink more. Mmmm…Pinot Grigio…how perfect on this lovely spring evening.