Episode Report Card Aaron: B- | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT American Pie
By Aaron | Season 4 | Episode 13 | Aired on 01.30.2001
Where (of course) they run straight into Gale Weathers. She and Sidney face off in the alley. "Just remember, I'M the star of these movies," says Neve. "So what? I make five million dollars a minute in my day job," replies Courteney. More staring. More blah blah mommy-cakes and bling-bling Gale's book on the subject. Then Sid hauls off and throws the phoniest-looking punch since Tyson-McNeely. That thing left a breeze so strong they'll be filming it for Twister 2: The Cow Strikes Back. Kenny The Cameraman says, "Nice shot!" Both Gale and I look at him like he's nuts. "No, it was a nice camera shot." Oh. Heh. Now we're in Rose's bedroom, and I have to admit that it's a bit disconcerting to see a girl you know has had sex with Marilyn Manson wearing fluffy bunny pajamas and holding a teddy bear. Anyway, Rose is all impressed with Sid's pugilistic talents, giving several demonstrations of her punching technique using the teddy bear (who hits a lot harder than Sid does). Rose really loves that bear, folks. Rose's mom stops by to tell the girls that Sid has a phone call. Neve, by the way, is wearing nothing but a t-shirt in this scene, and it's painfully obvious that they had to glue it to her legs to keep it from riding up. Anyway, Sid takes the call, and of course it's "scary" voice guy. He berates her for having Skeet arrested (which may or may not be important later), and then there's more pithy Mommie Deadest conversation before Sid finally hangs up on him. David Arquette runs out in his underwear, and hospitals everywhere report a dramatic increase in blunt-force trauma injuries to the retina. Next morning. Shots of an American flag, town square, et cetera. Sid, Rose and 10-10-2Dewey are having breakfast. For about the one millionth time since the movie started, Williamson busts out the hoary old device of having a "newscast" shove raw, unsanitized exposition down our throats. I think I've got shigella. Anyway, 10-10-2Dewey drives them to school. As they emerge from the car, Linda Blair gets to shout her only line: "How does it feel to be almost brutally butchered? The people have a right to know!" I guess that's probably worse than "your mother sucks cocks in hell," but just barely. Sid walks over to see Gale, who's afraid of getting her hair messed up by a right-hook-generated tsunami. Sid finally convinces her to talk, but when they do it's all about the mother and Cotton "I'm so" Weary "of this damn subplot." Whatever. We. Don't. Get. It. And we never will. None of this crap is important until the sequels anyway. Rose comes over and tells Gale, "Nice welt, sweetie." I bet with Marilyn's friends coming over all the time, she probably says that a lot. They leave, and Gale gushes about how all this will help her book sales. Yeah. She's a bitch. That much we. Do. Get.Previous 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19Next