Episode Report Card Aaron: B- | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT American Pie
By Aaron | Season 4 | Episode 13 | Aired on 01.30.2001
Out in the street, 10-10-2Dewey and his Ice Cream Cone Of Excessive Stage Business meet up with Sheriff Hey! It's That…Never Mind, who is the only character in the entire film that smokes. Well, that's it, then. Screw Kenny the Cameraman. Any cigarette smoker is certainly a psycho. Sheriff Psycho (that's Running with Scissors' third album, by the way) tells 10-10-2Dewey that the cell phone calls were finally traced to Sid's dad, who's nowhere to be found. Did they check the Expo? Sheriff Psycho orders 10-10-2Dewey to stay close to Sidney. A supposedly spooky shot of a police car heading down a dirt road leads us into the film's final act. Pretty much the entire cast converges on Lillard's house, which is even nicer than Sidney's. Rose and Sid take quick lap through the party, where they encounter Lillard, who's wearing a smoking jacket, drinking from a beer bong, and struggling manfully under the weight of a thousand teen-party-movie clichés. Outside, 10-10-2Dewey bumps into Gale (fake scare number three thousand and six), and invites her inside to check out the party. She agrees, and Kenny the Cameraman hands her The Tiny Camera Of One Lame Joke That Doesn't Happen For Another Twenty Minutes Anyway. Inside Randy polls the partygoers. Evil Dead or Hellraiser? Dude. That's not even a choice. It's Evil Dead every time, and twice on Sundays. Sid flips through a stack of videos and wonders why they all star Jamie Lee Curtis. Randy explains that Jamie is known as "The Scream Queen," and the DVD Extra explains more than I needed to know about Kevin Williamson's fascination with her. Enter Gale and 10-10-2Dewey, to the delight of Lillard and the dismay of Sid. Rose yells at her brother, and then Sidney pulls him aside to talk about finding her father. Beer run. Rose steps into the garage, and while BARRY WATSON'S PUBES are thankfully nowhere to be found (not even on the soundtrack), ROSE MCGOWAN'S NIPPLES are all over the damn place. She grabs a few bottles out of the fridge, and endures the mandatory horror-movie cat-jumping-out-at-you scare. When she tries to get back inside, however, she finds the door locked. When she turns around, Munch is there. She taunts him a bit, assuming it's Randy, and makes sure to mention that she can't die because she "[wants] to be in the sequel." Munch gives that crap-tastic line its due by stabbing her repeatedly. He backs her over to the fridge, and then somehow we're supposed to believe that a one-hundred-and-eighty-pound adrenaline-jacked killer is going to be knocked unconscious by a three-pound freezer door. Whatever. Rose attempts to escape by wriggling out through a conveniently-placed nearby doggie door, but her NIPPLES are apparently too big and she gets stuck. Munch comes to and gleefully presses the button. The garage door rises, dragging Rose along with it and nearly snapping her in half. I don't know who her stuntwoman was, but that looked painful. Anyway, wave bye-bye to Rose, who's career trajectory should be landing her butt-naked on the cover of For Him Magazine any day now.Previous 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19Next