Episode Report Card Demian: B- | 131 USERS: C+ YOU GRADE IT Zane's World
By Demian | Season 7 | Episode 14 | Aired on 2005.02.13
...thrown into Hell, and boring! Tonight's guest dark demonic force is Sebastian Roché, and he's weaselly and he's unattractive and he's French and I hate him, so let's get through this as quickly as possible, okay? Roché's playing the sorcerer who brokered the deal with Drake, and he's furious that Drake's made it through the past fifty weeks without using his powers against an innocent. Roché, you see, needs Drake's powers to overthrow Hot Zankou and claim the throne of Hell for himself, so we all know Roché's going to be dead by the end of the evening, and all of this is pointless, and God! Will you shut up, you prick? And get a haircut while you're at it. By the way, he's been screaming all of this at some demonic bounty hunter we never see again after this interlude, and that's it: I'm skipping ahead to the point where some henchdemons manhandle the delightful Ann Cusack into the chamber. Seems she journeyed to Hell to do a little research on Drake and got herself caught. When she claims not to know anything about the ex-demon, Roché whips out a dagger and presses it against her throat, urging her to "think harder" about the whole thing. Ann's eyes widen in panic as the screen flares white again, and we find ourselves...
...up at the Manor, where Phoebe's on the cordless, bitching to some never-heard customer service agent about her phone bill while Tiny Gay Chris squirms in his product-placed hand-me-down playpen on the sun porch. The bemulleted Psycho, meanwhile, silently hovers over the wicker coffee table in the background, slowly twisting his remaining Fisher-Price playthings into yet another deadly implement with which he will torture his younger, eventually prettier brother. Sigh. Poor Chris. Phoebe's call waiting goes off, so she switches over to find Detective Doormat on the other line. He's phoning to inform the Manor Morons that Pepper Anderson, The Best Policewoman In The History Of Forever, has unexpectedly resurfaced and is back at Trudeau Memorial, formerly Andy's House of Beef, formerly The Loneliest Precinct House In The World to resume her duties. Secretly INSANE Brody, you see, visited the Doormat the previous evening with news that he'd roused Pepper Anderson from her coma. "Didn't you say he died?" growls the Doormat. "Yeah, well I never said it stuck," Phoebe blithely goofs, before explaining the whole Whitelighter promotion thing to the Doormat. The Doormat reveals that Brody smacked Pepper Anderson up with some of that special Whitelightery fairy dust, so she doesn't remember anything that happened. For the last year, apparently, as she retains no knowledge of the Halliwells whatsoever. Phoebe quickly determines that as long as they avoid "triggering" Pepper Anderson's memory, they should be fine. Yeah, this is going to work out well for them. Not. Especially because the still-reluctant-to-collaborate Doormat learns he must keep Pepper Anderson as far away from the Glamorous Ladies as he can, as any contact at all might result in Pepper regaining her senses and thus re-embarking on her one-woman crusade against the sisters. Phoebe curtly cuts the call short when Raige bellows for her from upstairs, leaving the Doormat to wail her name as Pepper Anderson quietly approaches his desk. Real smooth, Doormat. Real fucking smooth. "Phoebe," Pepper lightly puzzles with a slight arch of her brow. "Do I know her?" The Doormat, splattering the worst poker face in the history of the planet across his face, is all, "Dunno, do you?" Pepper Anderson eyes him for a bit before thoughtfully gazing into the middle distance, her mouth twisted into a small frown of bewilderment. You know, she seems awfully collected for a woman who woke up this morning with no memory of the last twelve months. I wonder how she's coping with it all. Oh, who am I trying to kid? I couldn't give a rat's ass about Pepper Anderson.