Episode Report Card M. Giant: C- | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Velvet Underground
By M. Giant | Season 4 | Episode 24 | Aired on 05.22.2005
6:15:43. Palmer, Lispy Skip, Potato Face, and PMHC all sit around looking pensive. We're outside the Undal Office. Hey, that guy who looks like Victor Garber in a bad wig is back. Haven't seen him for a while. Aaron's standing off to one side as well, quietly gathering information he technically probably shouldn't have. The Veep is hollering at his advisors about how pissed off he is that ImhoTerror managed to do himself in. Palmer tries to calm him down by saying CTU is searching ImhoTerror's helicopter, but the Veep says they're out of time. "Not yet," says Palmer. PMHC comes in (even though the act-in splitscreen made it look like he was already there) with more bad news: the Deputy Chinese Consul is in the videophone, saying it's urgent. The Veep and Palmer exchange a significant look. "Put him through," says the Veep. The DCC appears on the video monitor and brings everyone up to speed on the whole Consulate situation. Because we never get tired of having that explained to us. Palmer again protests the government's innocence. But the DCC has a video he'd like to show them. Roll the clip, please! Agent Burn appears on the screen, giving his name and position, and saying he's speaking of his own free will. PMHC scoffs at this. Burn goes on to say that he participated in the raid on the Chinese Consulate. "I was acting under the orders of the special advisor to the Secretary of Defense: Kiefer." DCC comes back to say that the rest of the tape will be forwarded to the White House immediately. Because that's only courteous, I guess. "Putting aside the question of how this so-called confession was obtained," Palmer says, "what does your government expect us to do?" Don't worry, Palmer. I'm sure that heartfelt apology will defuse the situation. But no, the DCC wants Kiefer turned over to his government for trial and sentencing by Chinese law. The Americans look at one another. "We'll get back to you," says the Veep.
He hangs up and immediately turns on Palmer, accusing, "You said this would be handled. "I'm sure the Chinese don't want war," PMHC says nervously. But Bewigged Victor Garber says the Chinese would love to embarrass the U.S., and "we need to take the least damaging course of action." The Veep is the last to figure out that this means turning Kiefer over to the Chinese. "Unacceptable," says Palmer, the only guy who doesn't actually work there. But Bewigged Victor Garber argues that Kiefer could implicate the government, just as Burn burned his superior. Palmer doubts that, but BVG says, "As much as I'd like to believe that, everyone breaks." Obviously BVG didn't see Season Two, when Kiefer actually died rather than giving up the goods to his torturers. "What you believe is irrelevant," Palmer says rudely. In the somewhat shocked silence, BVG offers a third option: "Suppose something happens to Kiefer. Suppose he has…an accident." Palmer snaps, "That's an obscene suggestion!" The Veep silences the room with one upheld finger and calmly tells BVG, "This administration does not condone murder. And it never will. Is that clear?" "Yes, sir. I'm sorry, sir," BVG says hilariously. What about the fourth option, in which responsibility for the raid rests on the person who ordered it, who doesn't actually have an official position in the U.S. Government, and could thus go down for it without implicating the administration? Has anyone thought of that? No?